tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52508624707300121532024-02-02T01:38:49.878-08:00I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go...It may not be on the mountain height Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle's front My Lord will have need of me. But if, by a still, small voice he calls To paths that I do not know,I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I'll go where you want me to go...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-69450073928395409732017-01-19T10:39:00.002-08:002017-01-19T10:39:26.409-08:00Make a Wish TripIt's been a full year since Finn went on his Make a Wish trip, but I'm just now getting to writing the post about it, because that's how I roll. Really slowly, and mostly downhill...<br />
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Finn's real wish was to take his family to China and specifically to reproduce the places we went on the adoption trip, but with all of his siblings. Each state is funded by the state itself, and like New Mexico, Make a Wish New Mexico isn't made of money. They couldn't afford to send us to China because just the flights would have been over ten thousand. Some conversation led to the conclusion that what he really wanted was to share his culture with his siblings. So instead we went to Chinatown in LA for Chinese New Year 2016.<br />
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Jake and Finn on the plane<br />
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Silliness at McDonald's waiting for our hotel room to be ready.<br />
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Finn really enjoyed the festivities and so did we!</div>
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The staff of LA Chinatown were fantastic and so nice to us. They were like family by the time we left LA.</div>
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Finn's favorite restaurant is called Medieval Times. Sadly, we live far from any branch of the restaurant and we can only go sometimes when we're visiting another state. While we were in LA, the people from MAWNM set it up for Finn to attend a show and dinner at Medieval Times in Anaheim. The people at the show went out of their way to make it special for him and it was very sweet. He was beyond stoked that our knight won, which has never happened before. </div>
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We were able to visit Universal Studios in Hollywood before leaving LA. They had a large Chinese New Year display and I was really tickled by the Mandarin speaking Transformers. </div>
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Finn had a great time and we really appreciate all that Make A Wish does for families facing hard medical challenges. Not only was it good for Finn, but it was crazy for us to not be in charge of everything and fighting for him all the time. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-20670679091756436892016-11-16T09:36:00.000-08:002016-11-16T09:36:49.695-08:00Probably About Time For an UpdateFor those who do not know, we are adopting again. For some reason, we haven't had a lot to say this particular adoption. We are adopting a five year old girl from China. She has Down Syndrome and strabismus (crossed eyes) so we probably have some glasses or eye surgeries in our future. She's from the same orphanage as Jake is from. This is actually interesting and a bit unusual in their case because it's a small, rural orphanage, and they only prepare a few files a year. As it happens, we just got lucky enough to have two kids from this particular orphanage. Unlike either of our boys, she's living in foster care. That has ups and downs. I'm excited she's been getting attention. I'm sad to take her away from a family situation. <br />
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We are in the latter end of the adoption at this point. We're already logged in to the China system. We're waiting on our Letter of Acceptance. Once we have that, it's just a few months between there and travel. At this point, we anticipate travel in late February or even March. Of course, there's no way we can know for sure. China will do what they will, and we just are along for the ride. But there's a general pattern these things follow, so we'll see how it all hammers out.<br />
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We are hoping to take the whole family when we go. In any situation, Jake will go. He is very fond of China and of his orphanage in particular, and still misses it after two years. We think it will be really good for him to visit again. We're hoping to take the other kids because we're aware this is our last adoption, and probably the last time we'll make it to China for a number of years. I know everyone always says it's their last adoption, and then they adopt six more, but for those that don't know, Mike and I both have autoimmune disorders, and while they are under control, we're always aware that if we take on too much we could hurt ourselves, and thus hurt our children. We know our limitations, and feel that six is the number for us, where we can still give each of our children the care and attention they need. So if we become independently wealthy and can afford to hire a cook and a live in maid, then we'll talk, but otherwise, this is it for us. So, accordingly, we hope everyone can experience the trip this time. <br />
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We just wanted to update everyone who might be curious about what we're up to here in the Anderson Abode. <br />
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Amber <br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-35125176179053531152016-06-09T10:11:00.000-07:002016-06-09T10:11:07.412-07:00Ten Years of Magic<span><span class="fsm fwn fcg"><a class="_5pcq" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/officialreecesrainbow/permalink/1221458664533622/" target=""><abbr class="_5ptz timestamp livetimestamp" data-shorten="1" data-utime="1465474168" title="Thursday, June 9, 2016 at 6:09am"><span class="timestampContent" id="js_74"></span></abbr></a></span></span><br />
<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_75">
Today is the tenth anniversary of an organization that's near and dear to my heart, even though I just stumbled on them about three years ago. And it really was a stumble. A complete 'accident'. I followed a link a friend posted of the fundraising of a friend of a friend and ended up on the Reece's Rainbow Facebook page. It was all downhill into addiction from there haha. <br />
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No, actually, the truth was, it was hard. It was eyeopening and soul stretching and a very painful growth looking into the reality of the 'life' that children live inside of an institutional setting. I remember I cried and cried for weeks as I learned new details every day. It was crushing. That was something that, to tell the truth, I never wanted to know. And once you see, you can't unsee. For awhile I told friends, 'if you don't want this haunting you every day for the rest of your life, just don't look. Don't even start researching, because that's it.' <br />
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Reece's Rainbow is a non-profit organization that advocates for and offers grants to children who are waiting in foreign orphanages with special needs that might make the process of finding a family even harder and the odds even smaller than other orphans. They specialize in finding homes for children who are rocking that extra chromosome, but they also have children listed who do not have Down Syndrome, but some other kind of special need. I first saw one of my sons, Finn, listed there, though it was long before I ever planned on international adoption when I saw him there. They have provided millions of dollars in grants to children and families and the work they're doing is world shaping, something most of us will never get to say. <br />
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I would venture to say that finding Reece's Rainbow is among the top five best things to ever happen to me. Was it hard? Oh, yes. Was it life changing? Completely. Was it worth the pain of learning about the conditions of foreign orphanages, embracing the pain of children with no voice, adopting our own children and dealing with the HARD changes of bringing traumatized children into your home? Absolutely yes. A dozen times over. <br />
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In ten years, do you know how many children Reece's Rainbow alone have helped to bring home? 1580 and still counting. That's ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED and EIGHTY orphans that are now sons, daughters, brothers and sisters, much loved and treasured. Now THAT'S an impact on the world! Especially for a group that is not an agency. They don't process any adoptions, just help find homes and offer money to those that step out in faith after seeing a world encompassing need and following a nudging from God that, yes, maybe they could fill it. <br />
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In addition, RR is a place where other people can donate to your adoption tax free, or where you can sell things and have a place to gather your money and keep it safe until later. We sold so much and got so many donations, that in the end, our deposit from Reece's Rainbow was over twenty thousand dollars. And without every penny of it, Finn and Jake would not be making plans to go swimming at grandma's later today. <br />
<br />
This is not an ad for Reece's Rainbow. I'm not getting paid for it, or recognized. It's just a shout out on the anniversary of an organization that has my whole heart for giving their whole heart to a generation of children who have no voice. <br />
<br />
Happy anniversary Reece's Rainbow! Congratulations on your ten years of performing magic.<br />
<br />
Amber</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-34469509487986332722016-04-24T18:36:00.000-07:002016-04-24T19:07:34.829-07:00If Thou Had Been ThereToday at church this particular song was sung by my dear friend and another woman who attends our congregation. "If Thou Had Been There" by Kenneth Cope, from the program "Women at the Well." I've heard it before, but today it really struck me in a new way and it relates to our adoption process so I thought I would share because it was really a strong feeling. The song itself is sung from the perspective of the biblical Lazarus' sister. But today, it made me think of something else. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lazarus brother with illness lay,<br />
Death lingered in the air,<br />
Jesus, my brother still far away, <br />
Oh Master hear my prayer.<br />
<br />
Four mournful days had gone slowly by, <br />
The tomb had his body claimed.<br />
Jesus, why hast thou not heard my cry,<br />
Here in my heart I prayed.<br />
<br />
If Thou had been here,<br />
If Thou had been here,<br />
I'm sure my brother would not have died.<br />
<br />
My sister whispered, the Master's come,<br />
Run now he calls for you,<br />
My heart was heavy, for death had won, <br />
Too late, what could he do.<br />
<br />
If Thou had been here,<br />
If Thou had been here,<br />
I'm sure my brother would not have died.<br />
If Thou had been here,<br />
If Thou had only been here,<br />
He who Thou lovest, would not have died!<br />
<br />
Jesus stood weeping and followed us,<br />
Seeking the place where they laid him to rest.<br />
Then looking to Heaven, <br />
He spake, and the dead walked again!<br />
<br />
If He had been here, when we hoped He'd been here,<br />
We might be doubting, <br />
His power over death, (now we will doubt no more)(runover)<br />
Somehow He knew when to be here!<br />
Son of God,<br />
He is always here. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Great song, right? But today the last verses specifically struck me. <i>If He had been here, when we hoped He'd been here, We might be doubting, His power over death,
Somehow He knew when to be here! Son of God, He is always here. </i>And this is why it told me a different story today and how it relates to our adoption. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm a very independent person. I see a problem, I solve it if I can, if I can't I find someone who can. I'm not afraid to ask for help, but only when my own abilities and resources have been exhausted. I hate to think I would be the kind of person who would have disregarded all of the blessing we received during our adoption as coming from God. Maybe I would have though. Maybe I would have thought, look at all my hard work and here are the justifiable rewards of doing all of that. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As it was, that turned out not to be an option, because those of you who remember our adoption process know that every single fundraiser, big or small, that we planned and put on were fantastic failures. And I do mean fantastic. We spent months planning a yard sale. We rented a community center and had so much stuff for the yard sale we had to rent a U-Haul to bring it all to the community center. At the end of the day, we'd made $140. That's not a misprint. And that's not after expenses. After the U-Haul and community center it was more like $40. I've made more money in my front yard selling random crap. No one could explain why it didn't do well. It should have. All the circumstances were such it should have netted us some major cash.<br />
<br />
Mike and I both agreed that day that it was all part of a grand plan, even though that was our tenth or so horribly failed fundraiser. You can find the original details here <a href="http://whereyouwantmetogo.blogspot.com/2014/05/looooonnnnnnggggg-update.html">http://whereyouwantmetogo.blogspot.com/2014/05/looooonnnnnnggggg-update.html</a> Mike likened those failed fundraisers to Gideon's great army, eventually reduced to just 300 soldiers. The reason was to make absolutely sure no one mistook the victory for Gideon's. That all eyes looked and saw the victory was God's and the victory was a miracle, because it was too big to be anything else. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
In the end, that's how we ended up funding our adoption. None of our perfectly planned events or fundraisers worked. Not a one. We were about $15,000 short just eight days before we left for China, with no more resources. It was only through a massive miracle, involving a precious woman named Elizabeth and a pair of socks, that we were able to complete our adoption. Those socks, and the word of many mouths, brought us all but $3,000 of that money we needed in just TWO DAYS. It was clearly God's miracle and there was no question in anyone's minds. Least of all ours. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We've made a point in the past of sharing our adoption experiences, because I've always felt the lesson isn't ours alone to hoard in our hearts. It was God using our situation to spread a message we can all stand to hear. God is always here for us and with us, but He doesn't always use the same calendar we do. In my life, I've had some bad times. Truly some tough things. However, nothing has ever been as hard as the process of adopting the boys. Finn was stepping closer to death every day. We knew his time was running out. Our process was fraught with bizarre complications that even the agency and workers had never seen. Things that slowed our expedite to a crawl while Finn's illness barreled forward. There were many days where we truly didn't believe he would survive all of the delays. Meanwhile, the funds weren't coming and we were running out of places to pull money. I literally stressed myself into an autoimmune disorder. (Of course, I always had it, it just wasn't active until the insanely high levels of sustained stress of adoption came into play.)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Many times, people have called Finn's recovery a miracle. Even the doctors he sees themselves have said, "He is a miracle." Because he came home on the verge of death and now, almost two years later, he's truly come so far. When people talk about our fundraising it's as though they are talking about an urban myth. Something of epic proportions that happened once to someone who knew someone who knew someone. If I had gone through this process having my way, dictating when God helped us, and dictating that the money came before the edge of the cliff emergency, and dictating when our process moved forward, without our bizarre and copious delays that left Finn days from death, the miracle could have been ours if we chose to view it that way. I certainly hope we wouldn't have, but we could have. It's just as the song says.<i> If He had been here, when we hoped He'd been here, We might be doubting his power. </i> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
There's no room to doubt in the way our story turned out. We hoped God would help us all along the way, and He did. But not the way we wanted. Instead, He gave us the strength to get through weird delays, a child on the verge of death, and expected money that never came. He helped us get through until the point that there was no doubt in the world that our process and Finn's recovery was touched by a Master's hand. So if you're struggling with your adoptions today, or anything where the Lord has asked us to wait even when we're very sure the world will end if we do, know that the Lord knows our hopes, but He also know the proper timing. And trust in God also means trust in His timing. Even if it hurts at the time.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Amber</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-3648927621617147352015-09-20T10:41:00.000-07:002015-09-20T23:02:08.984-07:00Part 2<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 200%;">AT
HOME</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
In light of the
fact part one was shared nearly a thousand times in 48 hours I feel like I
should take a moment and say that I am not a professional of any kind. I’m not a psychologist (though I did major in
psychology for two years at community college ;) in the early 90s), not a doctor, and not a professional
in any way. Please don’t substitute my
experiences as an adoptive parent for real help from a professional when it
comes to the stuff we will be discussing today.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
This post was
harder to write, or to even know how to approach. A lot of what I have to say plays in to the
individual issues that these boys struggle with, and that seems so
personal. On the other hand, it isn’t
really, because so many of these things are universal. I am electing to focus on just the two most
shocking things I experienced when they first came home. You will no doubt have different experiences,
every child is an individual, but I share to help you expect the unexpected. I will also use initials to refer to my
children, although many of you know my children, and it’s a little silly. I’m going to do it anyway. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
In my last post, I
said their behaviors in China vanished on American soil, and that is true. However, the root cause of those behaviors,
pain and loss, didn’t. It came to wear a
different mask, and in their lives I suspect there will be many dozens, if not
hundreds, of times that these roots will rise up and try to strangle whatever
they’re growing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Last night,
someone posted in the comments section of the IN CHINA post that no amount of
Disneyland and soccer lessons would erase where they came from or what they’ve
endured. This is so much truth. No amount of living, even a healthy, happy,
life, will ever erase their past. The
language of adoption is fear and loss.
Even when they’ve ‘moved on’ there’s no pulling a Lady MacBeth and
trying to wash that past away. You don’t
want them to. The healthiest life for a
person with a trauma past is to accept what they have been and love themselves,
as they were and hopefully as they will be. Their growth to emotional health is their journey, not yours.
You’re just here to help walk them through it when they need a hand. However, make no mistake that it will certainly impact your journey to hold their hands through theirs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The thing I most wish I'd known of life at home before getting there would have been this. You may think you are adopting an older
child, say a 6 and a 12 year old, but this is not <i>exactly</i> true. I felt, almost
immediately, that I should have babyproofed the house. Though the boys came in 12 and 6 year old
bodies, they were ridiculously naive, completely unaware of cause and effect,
and almost totally without developed executive function. As babies, we learn these things early. You make a poor choice, bad things
happen. Mom and dad are upset. We accidentally hurt ourselves. Our new toy is broken. Cause and effect creates a training system in
our brains. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Orphanage living
is a bizarre juxtaposition. Children are
largely left alone, even at the best orphanages. This means they are part tiny adults, and
part clueless babies. The most common
babysitter in an institutional setting is routine. She’s a rigid nanny who tells our children
when to get up, when to eat, what to do and where to go. That may keep them alive, but it doesn’t
allow for the cause and effect brain training mentioned above. Orphanage life is a vacuum. It doesn’t allow for choices, good or
bad. And no choices means no
consequences. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
If you get nothing
else from this post today, please understand this. Your child hasn’t got a lick of sense. Just none.
They don’t know a good choice from a bad one because they’ve never made
any. Your bio toddler may know you
shouldn’t touch an angry dog. Your
adopted twelve year probably doesn’t get that.
You are starting with a blank slate in this respect and your number one
biggest tool is PATIENCE. You will need
stores of it. Patience to remind
yourself that an adopted 6 year old sticking a fork into a toaster isn’t a
suicide attempt. It’s a kid who doesn’t
know any better. Don’t punish them as
though they know better, and don’t leave them alone, as though they have the
capacity to make good choices, because they don’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Within three days
of coming home, J and F had managed to actually do that, stick a fork in a
plugged in toaster. They also managed
to: Run in the house with a butcher knife that should have been too high to
reach. Try to eat plastic fruit. Make multiple phone calls to neighbors, and a
couple to 911. The list goes on and on. Try to imagine you are adopting a toddler,
even if you’re not. Because in essence,
emotionally, you are. We don’t have
matches in our home and haven’t for fifteen years, since before our oldest was
born. Yet, somehow, F kept getting
matches from somewhere and he started multiple fires. I am absolutely convinced his reasons for
doing this were not malicious. He was
doing it because he could. Because it
was exciting and different and after years of experiencing nothing, they wanted
to experience everything. We finally
discovered a stash of matches hidden among his things and a little research
showed a family member had left them behind while staying at our house during
the trip. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Age is literally
just a number with these kids. Please do
yourself a favor and do not expect a child who is anywhere on par with your bio
children at the same age, your sister's kids, or even that other adopted orphan
from down the street. Your child will be
very delayed emotionally. Often, they
will be delayed physically, cognitively, and most certainly in terms of
education and formal learning. You can
expect a twelve year old who may have more in common with your bio seven year
old. Adopting an aging out child may
mean you have a child who is in no way ready to spread their wings and fly at
18. Or 20. Or maybe even ever. You may have more luck with a toddler,
because they have more time to make up for that deficit of real world brain
building, but then again, you might not.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
At the same time,
you have a very old soul in a child’s body.
They are naive, but scarred.
They’re childish, but mature in negative ways. Many children from institutional settings
have been exposed to abuse, physical, emotional, and, yes, sexual. Many of these older boys have carelessly
exposed to porn, or indoctrinated by other older boys in the building. You may see a child who will clap
delightedly at ducks and then display hypersexualized behavior ten minutes
later. Even without abuse, they’ve been
exposed to trauma most of us will never have to endure. Things that many adults would have no chance
of surviving emotionally intact. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
They first few
months are HARD. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Not just because
the boys were always into something.
They were hard because the boys had no clue how to live in a family
unit. They had no concept of give and
take. No concept of sharing, because
they’d never owned anything. They were
hypervigilent and constantly overwhelmed.
Nice events like small family parties led to total hysteria. The process of living outside of the
orphanage fishbowl was absolutely alarming and completely foreign. Every day was hours of struggle from the
moment they woke up until we fought them into bed. They were wildly overstimulated just by
existing, but at the same time, they had no clue what to do to entertain
themselves. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Both of them would
return to orphanage standbys and pass the time by harassing our bio children or
each other. Every child in the orphanage
pecking order learns early on that they are either the bully or the
bullied. Unless they are the favored
one, the golden child. We were dismayed
to discover that J was a bully and it was clearly engrained in his personality
from long years of aggression. He
harassed his sister closest in age until it bordered on torment. He bothered people just for fun, like poking
a stick into an ant hill. If they got
bored at all, they’d find someone to harass.
F was the favored child, the one who lived a life of relative privilege
as far as orphanages go, but even he would look for someone to bother if he got
too bored. They couldn’t sit through a
television show completely, in even in Chinese.
They had ADHD simply from never having been exposed to anything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The first three
months were a daze of trauma. Ours, theirs,
and that of our bombarded bio children.
It’s more living in the trenches, like China, but with more creature
comforts for you, not for them. Don’t
expect to be able to do much of anything.
Your house will be a mess. Your
kids will be a mess. Most of all, your
emotions will be a mess. It will
probably be six months, maybe more, before you begin to emerge from the haze of
dealing with the backlash of adoption.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I want to share
the two most shocking things we dealt with early in our adoptions. One with J and one with F. You may experience something similar, or
something different, but both were very alarming in living color, rather than
on a page in training.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Because of the
emotional vacuum he lived in, J had absolutely no ability to regulate his
emotions. That was okay in the
orphanage, because there were very few strong emotions. When he got to America, he discovered that
this wasn’t at all what he expected. As
an older child, he was required to sign a piece of paper, more than once
actually, agreeing to be adopted. I am
firmly convinced that, had he understood how hard he would grieve for his
homeland, he would have said no. His
grief was profound. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I don’t know how
many days I cried for his pain. He ached
for familiar sights and sounds, for familiar language, for foods and scents he
knew. He grieved for his ‘brothers’, the
seven boys he’d spent his first twelve years with. He was in agony. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen true agony up
close before that, except when a friend lost her child years ago. He was in the depths of torment. We have many friends who speak Mandarin, so
we tried to make sure he had someone to talk to. We gave him books, movies and shows in
Mandarin. We played Chinese music for
him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I’m sure it
helped, but it wasn’t enough. His pain
was more than I knew what to do with, but, more to the point, it was far, far
more than he knew what to do with. He
couldn’t regulate even simple emotions.
Acute agony was far beyond his abilities. He’d start by crying for his brothers, or
just for China, for the orphanage and the life he missed. It would escalate, because he had no idea how
to internalize and regulate what he was feeling. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Eventually, he
would end up screaming in his bedroom until he was hoarse. No one could talk to him or approach
him. And when I say screaming, I really
mean it. Blood curdling, high pitched
screaming, until he lost any voice at all.
He threw things, rocked through the screaming, or, most alarmingly, hurt
himself. Something I didn’t at all
expect. He was screaming and rocking,
and when that didn’t help, when throwing everything he could reach didn’t help,
he’d start pinching and scratching himself.
Gouging flesh from his arms or face.
I don’t even think he realized he was doing it. It was just all so much more than he could
deal with. He had to have some kind of
outlet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
It was both scary
and so, so devastatingly sad. This is
the product of a child who has never learned how to feel, or what to do when
they do feel. You may <b><i>very
well</i></b> experience this in your child.
This kind of behavior is not uncommon.
Once again, these kids are blank slates in dealing with life outside the
orphanage. They have to be taught how to
deal with their emotions. Most of us
learn that from an early age. These kids
have not. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
F was a different
experience. He comes from a history of
significant trauma. Truly terrible
things have come his way in his few short years. He’s been through things that would
absolutely DESTROY the majority of us.
He’s still kicking because he’s a fighter. A hard core, knock down, drag out, butt
kicker, take no prisoners, fighter. If
he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have been alive by the time we got to him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
However, that
insatiable will to survive comes with its own set of issues. F never stops fighting. Not in his sleep, not playing a game. Not ever.
He no longer even knows how to turn off his fight. When we were in China, we put him in a
grocery cart and he freaked. Panicked
clawing desire to get out. Of course, we
laughed because who’s afraid of a shopping cart. In our heads, it was just a silly detail we
see in our kids sometimes. We had
literally no idea that it was a component of something so much larger that was about
to own our lives for months, maybe forever, to be honest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Once we were home,
F was a relatively mellow kid, UNLESS we tried to force him to do anything. We had to be somewhere and I pulled a shirt
over his head because he refused to get dressed. He went berserk. He screamed, he scratched me, he tried to
bite me. To be honest, I just thought he
was being a brat. F, like many children
from a post-institutional background, glories in battles. He wants to fight often. Refusing to get dressed, refusing to eat, or
refusing to go are not uncommon. These
kids will make power grabs, wherever and whenever they can. This was excessive, however.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Fast forward to
two weeks home. F has a chronic, and
very dangerous if untreated, genetic disorder that left him physically very
fragile and really tore up. He started
to show signs of a physical decline, and it wasn’t unexpected. We knew he was going to end up in the
hospital eventually, and we were glad for the two weeks we’d had to bond before
he became symptomatic. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I already had
everything set up with the specialist that deals with his special need and we
headed off to the hospital, with literally no clue what was about to
happen. Even if I had read about it,
even if I heard someone talk about, possibly even if I had seen it myself in
another child, nothing at all could have prepared me for what was about to
happen. We sat in the room and F was a
little suspicious. He didn’t like being
there, and he had a bit of an attitude, but that’s not unusual with him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Then it was time
for a blood draw. The F we knew, funny,
charming, energetic, fun loving F, was gone.
In his place was a completely hysterical child. It took, literally this is not a joke, eight
nurses to hold him down to get his blood draw.
I’d like to remind you this is an incredibly sick child who is nothing
but skin and bones and wilted away from years of sub-par treatment of a fatal
disease in a foreign country. He fought
like an animal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The nurses wanted
to restrain him in something like a straight jacket, which I wouldn’t allow,
because I knew something was wrong. No
child acts like that for no reason. This
was way beyond fear. The examination and
blood test wasn’t good news, so he was admitted. Thus began a nightmare for all of us that I
can’t even begin to explain. I will try,
but my words have no meaning next to the reality. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
F fought
constantly. He screamed like he was
literally being murdered when he was put in a wheelchair or the metal hospital
bed. I remembered the shopping
basket. He physical fought anyone who
tried to touch him. He bit, kicked,
punched, scratched and head butted every doctor or nurse that approached him. He tore off his own clothes and ran the
second he could get away. He tore things
off the walls, off tables, off the carts.
He pulled IVs and monitors out of own body. Multiple times. He had to be reaccessed I don’t know how many
times. He broke everything he
could. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
A note advising
caution was placed on his hospital room door like he was a wild animal. Pregnant and elderly staff were advised away
from his room. He wouldn’t sleep. Ever.
He didn’t sleep for three days.
He refused to get in the bed. Neither
would he eat or drink. If he
accidentally fell asleep in his chair, he would wake up screaming in
terror. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I still wouldn’t
allow him to be restrained. By this
point, it was easy to guess that he’d been restrained before in a medical
situation, and I didn’t want that again.
(Now that he can speak English well, he’s told us stories that would
make you sweat, but at the time he was two weeks home and it was all guessing
for us.) Because I wouldn’t allow him to
be restrained, I was the one who had to hold him still for all of these
procedures. Every night, after the first
few days, I held him in the bed because the staff would not allow him to be
anywhere but the bed at night, crying silently beside him while he screamed
himself to sleep. He took his terror out
on me because I was the one holding him.
I had, literally, black eyes, arms torn to shreds from his nails, bite
marks up and down my arms, bruises and scratches on every exposed area of
skin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
There’s no
explaining the pain that comes from knowing your child is in that kind of
terror. Pain and terror that are bigger
than anything you could ever begin to touch with all the love and security in
the world. The only cure for hysteria
like that is lots of time, lots of therapy, and maybe lots of medication. He was in agony and so was I. It was the worst two weeks of my life in that
hospital. Of course, two days in, the
hospital’s child psychologist came to see us and eventually gave us the diagnosis of
severe, acute, medical PTSD. It wasn’t a
shock. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The psychologist
later admitted he’d come expecting F to be psychotic, given the description the
staff had sent him. Fear like that isn’t
something we can love out of our kids.
Sometimes they are so far beyond anything we can do to help them, that
all we <i>can</i> do is love them and hang
on for the very bumpy ride. After day
three, after dozens of attempts at using smaller forms of anti-anxiety drugs, F
spent much of his time getting IV Ativan, a powerful drug that killed his urge
to fight, but left him almost catatonic.
When it wore off he’d be hysterical again, and in the end it probably
didn’t help, but there’s no winning in a situation like that, and he needed
medical care. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Your child will
likely not have exactly the same issues after getting home, but know they will
have something. There’s no escaping a
life of trauma without some kind of scars, and you will not escape their trauma
either without bearing a lifetime of scars.
Their pain is now yours, and that’s what you sign up for when you bring
a child with a scarred past into your home and heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
As months go on
and we begin to move into years, F is the one who still struggles the
most. J has settled in. He’s learned to control his emotions, he’s
learned he doesn’t always have to fight with his siblings. He’s learned resources don’t just disappear
because he didn’t fight hard enough to get them. F still struggles. Every day.
Petty power struggles are the air he breathes. He has behaviors, lying, stealing, fighting,
that will haunt him when he is older if we can’t help him to control them. J is the older child. The one we feared might never be able to
function without issues. He’s much more
stable already. He’s a good kid. A solid kid. He loves America now, and he loves having a family. F is much younger. Half J’s age
at adoption. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Like so many
people we believed he’d be easier to parent because he was younger. This was not true. Younger doesn’t mean easier, because you
never know what they’ve been through or how they’ve internalized those
events. F has considerable trauma in his
past. J was abandoned as an infant. There’s loss inherent in any adoption, but he
doesn’t remember. He was raised in a
small orphanage with good friends. His
memories aren’t always lovely, but they aren’t deeply scarring. F was abandoned by a trusted family member,
who said he would be back, at the age of around four. He remembers many details of his birth
family, and EVERY detail of being left at the hospital. He had a tremendous background of other
horrible events to bog him down. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I hope he will
make it past those things, but maybe he won’t.
Maybe he never will. Age will not
protect your child from trauma behaviors.
Don’t adopt a two year old thinking it will. And don’t make the mistake I did and assume
that just because a child is 6, he will be less scarred than one who is
12. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
So here’s my
advice in a nut shell, learned the hard way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Be kind. To your child and yourself. View these first months as the months with a
new baby. It’s VERY like that. More than you will ever guess before
experiencing it. Don’t leave your kids
unattended. Don’t lose patience with
them, just because they ‘should know better.’
They don’t know better. <i><b>They
don’t know anything</b></i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Try to consider
these kids as a shell empty of knowledge and real life training, but filled
with memories, some good, most bad. Your job is to filter all these things through until theres a balance
that works for them. I figure if someday
either of my boys can have some kind of healthy, meaningful, relationship with
someone at all, we’ve done our jobs to the best of our ability. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Hang in
there. Once again, be kind. You have months, probably years, of hard work
in front of you. It doesn’t have to
happen tomorrow. And no matter how hard
you try, it won’t. Adoption is long
process. A life long process. Stay the course and good luck!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Amber</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-5702899749017331182015-09-17T20:05:00.000-07:002015-09-17T20:05:18.073-07:00Oops, technical difficulties! <span style="line-height: normal;">Okay, I'm sorry, but apparently I lied. I have no Internet on my work computer. So I write my blog posts in documents and then transfer them to my daughter's laptop via a data stick and cut and paste into the blogger screen. My computer is apparently on strike tonight and won't even boot. I promise part 2 will be up ASAP. Read: When my husband fixes my computer lol. Thanks for your patience! </span><br />
<span style="line-height: normal;"><br /></span>
AmberAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-77401538933439254082015-09-16T19:26:00.000-07:002015-09-16T20:13:15.624-07:00A Little Advice From the Front Lines For Adoptive Parents to Be<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
IN
CHINA<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
As we come up on
the one year mark, there’s been something heavy on my mind. I wrote this blog post two weeks ago, but have waited to post until our one year Gotcha Day, which was yesterday. There’s been a rash of disruptions lately,
both while still in China and shortly after the families are back in
America. I’m not here to pass judgment
on people, or talk about families who disrupt months or years into the process. I’m here to talk about the beginning, and to
give some advice. Real advice. Tough advice.
To families who haven’t walked that walk yet. I want to talk to families who are thinking
about adopting, or those who are about to travel. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
This will be a two
part narrative, and this is part one, IN CHINA. Please,
do yourself and your child a favor and read what I am about to say. I want to tell you some things. Some things about our boys and our pick up
trip, and what it means to commit to parent this child you swore you would care
for. PLEASE, PLEASE read all of
this. It’s long, but I am telling you
this for a reason. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
This is Jake. He’s 12 years old. He loves the Power Rangers, friends, and
video games. He loves his family,
swimming, and his bedroom. He’s a good
kid. He enjoys hard work and is torn
between being a dentist or working at McDonalds haha. He misses China a lot, but likes living in
America. I love this kid. He was slow to warm up, and so are we. But the bond we have is tight now. He trusts, even though life has given him a
reason not to. He is sweet. He truly loves his friends. He is kind, and helpful, and determined to do
his best. He’s a dream older child
adoption. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnlh1xJGDwWCq_fh-zz1YiPYMKfrfjhZaeJGe6yWX6VjoU7GsSnIxAewHMxv0il7UuEawBW2Xhz6TRdq-orBuNi5OsTgB8BVPCOWhO0WVEa8Z3cxTZ0HuJrXcLioZLWoEDZRYAtJvn13ry/s1600/received_10206788060358675.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnlh1xJGDwWCq_fh-zz1YiPYMKfrfjhZaeJGe6yWX6VjoU7GsSnIxAewHMxv0il7UuEawBW2Xhz6TRdq-orBuNi5OsTgB8BVPCOWhO0WVEa8Z3cxTZ0HuJrXcLioZLWoEDZRYAtJvn13ry/s320/received_10206788060358675.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
This is Finn. He’s 7.
He loves animals, candy, hamburgers (that was his first English word),
Power Rangers, playing outside and his bike.
He loves us. He bonded fairly
easily once we were home. He wants to be
a doctor or a teacher. He spends a lot
of his life at the hospital. It’s hard
for him, but he makes it through. Finn
has my heart. 100% unequivocally. There’s a lot of things about Finn, things he
has no control over, that make our lives exponentially harder. But they are all worth it. Literally every single tear I’ve shed for him
is worth it, and so many more. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjevSZ_NhSDhD1J_tH5ERR1lMAfneWSvXgs9MebhT5f_v8FxaO9OWd00sqJTLx5E-DloE4cHRJaaW_ufI12VlI_n2OwwtWS_FVKVYBw2AQL3-5YDoLBQQZkxKEJPaFGiChk1dkTT2djfjtU/s1600/20150608_192425+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjevSZ_NhSDhD1J_tH5ERR1lMAfneWSvXgs9MebhT5f_v8FxaO9OWd00sqJTLx5E-DloE4cHRJaaW_ufI12VlI_n2OwwtWS_FVKVYBw2AQL3-5YDoLBQQZkxKEJPaFGiChk1dkTT2djfjtU/s320/20150608_192425+%25282%2529.jpg" width="180" /></a><span style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
<br />
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One year ago yesterday, we picked up these boys in China. Mike and I separated and flew on different
planes, me into Guangzhou, Mike into Beijing.
Mike moved on to Zhengzhou, the capital city of Henan Province. I stayed in Guangzhou, the capital city of
the Guangdong Province, at the lavish Garden Hotel, one of the two places the
majority of Americans stay. Mike’s hotel
was questionable, and Zhengzhou isn’t the nicest city. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
On Monday morning,
I went to meet Finn. Mike went in the
afternoon to pick up Jake. Finn was off
to the side in a small room. It looked a
bit like a play room. I recognized him
from pictures and videos, of course. I
could pick him out of the massive crowd immediately. He was sitting apart from the crowd, all
alone, playing with a toy truck. When
the nannies realized I was there, they went into the room where he was and
coaxed him off the floor. He froze up
immediately. They had to pretty much
drag him out of the room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
When they
approached me, he refused to lift his face.
He wouldn’t even look at me. He
was not a baby, not even a toddler or preschooler, both boys are older. They couldn’t just pick him up and hand him to
me. They tried to get him to look up
from the floor. I bent a little, not too
close to him, and I said hello. Just a
single word. Specifically, ‘hi.’ That was all it took. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
He started
wailing. Louder than any baby in that
room. His terror was acute and it was
heartbreaking. I knew he was excited
earlier that day, because I’d had my guide call the orphanage and ask them to
ask him what kinds of snacks he wanted me to buy. He responded that he couldn’t even think of
snacks because he was so excited. But
the excitement was gone and the absolute horror of reality had set in. I don’t know how long he cried. At least fifteen minutes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
For a small
moment, maybe a minute and a half, I was reduced to tears too. Not because he wasn’t happy to see me. I had no reason to expect he would be. But because he was terrified. No child should ever have to be that scared,
especially not to get what every child should have; a family. It was heartbreaking. His panic and fear was palpable. The people he loved were giving him to a
stranger, and he was hysterical. I
pulled myself together because I didn’t want him to be further worked up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
They took us to a
corner. I took the few things I’d
brought from my bag to try and coax a reaction out of him. Let me remind you, this child was at least
six years old. In reality, he had ten
adult teeth already, so he’s very likely as little as eight at this point, and
possibly as old as twelve. Toys weren’t
getting his attention. He couldn’t be
distracted by bright lights or happy music.
I didn’t have anything like that anyway.
Just a camera, a Kindle, and a few small toys. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
By this point
nearly everyone had left. We were one of
two remaining families. The other family
was across the room on another matching red modern couch, like something you
could buy at Ikea, stripping their new toddler of all the clothing the
orphanage had clearly carefully dressed her in and redressing her in a puffy
number with lots of frillies. (As an
aside, please consider the message you are sending to the orphanage when you
remove the best clothes they have and have sacrificed to present your child to
you nicely dressed and clean. Consider
changing them back at your hotel, instead.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Finn still would
not look at me. The orphanage was telling
me about his care and medications.
Extremely frail and ghostly white, with hollowed out cheeks and some
kind of weird, probably contagious, bumpy rash all over his face and arms, Finn
did not look good. He was skeletal, but
with a giant stomach, like a concentration camp victim. His teeth were flat out disgusting, rotted
out nearly completely, and smelling of rotten meat, his mouth was truly
alarming. He was very sick. This was not the fault of the orphanage, who
clearly loved him so much. It was his
disease ravaging his body. He had almost
no time left in his short life. (In
fact, we were home less than two weeks before he was admitted to the hospital
for much too long.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The woman I
thought was a nanny told me that she was the second in command at the
orphanage. A step below the
director. She’d accompanied Finn because
he was a favored child. They had
believed he would die. Later in the
second week, while we waited for medicals, my guide, a fabulous woman named
Judy, told us she’d been to the orphanage the summer before, to bring another
adoptive family to tour. While she’d
been there, she’d seen our son. This
before we even knew he existed. Before
we were even considering international adoption. This woman, who holds a prominent position at
the orphanage, told Judy that Finn broke her heart. That they all despaired because he would die
and it was too late for any family to come.
He no longer had any hope.
Obviously, that turned out not to be true. But, it did explain why she was so
emotional. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Between Finn’s
hysteria and my inability to hear well when there’s lots of chaos and
background noise, I couldn’t understand a lot of what was being said. I did understand she kept thanking me and she
kept crying. I just kept nodding. Finally, after about half an hour, Finn
stopped crying, and stopped rocking, and reached for the camera. He still wouldn’t look at me. He became interested in the camera, but he’d
shirk away if I tried to touch him, and he’d ignore me completely if I tried to
talk to him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
When we finally
left the Civil Affairs building, it was a short drive back to our hotel. Finn would look only at the camera. Eventually, he responded to my guide,
monosyllabic answers. He didn’t always
answer Judy. He refused to even acknowledge
I was there. In the lavish gold leaf and
marble lobby of the Garden, Judy expressed her concerns about what we would
do. She suggested, gently, that maybe
she should stay. We have bio children,
too, and Finn was definitely not my first little guy. I come from a background of trauma myself,
and this wasn’t completely strange to me, though certainly I’d never
experienced this exact moment as a child.
But I know my way around a scared kid.
I told her thank you, but asked her to leave. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Finn and I went
upstairs together. In absolute
silence. He still would not look at
me. We went into the room and I locked
the doors and sat on the couch. He
wandered around the room. Looked at a
few things. Then went to stare out the
window. I didn’t try to talk to
him. He stood in the window for a long
time. I don’t know how long. Maybe twenty minutes. He didn’t speak, and neither did I. I figured that with a child like he clearly
was, it would behoove us both to let him decide when he was ready to have a
conversation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Eventually, I
turned on the TV. I found a cartoon and
turned the sound down, loud enough to be heard, low enough not to be
disturbing. He walked away from the
window and started to unpack the small bag full of toys I’d brought. Prior to this point, my only boy was our bio
son, now a middle teen, and he’d been interested only on Legos, video games,
and history. All our other children were
girls. I wasn’t sure what he might like
so I only brought some Legos, some cars, and a single stuffed animal. We’d brought the same for Jake, now packed in
Mike’s bags. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Finn took every
car, I believe there were something like thirty, and lined them up on the
window sill. Suddenly, around car
twenty, he started to talk. Of course, I
had no clue what he was saying. He
didn’t sound upset, though. So I just
made encouraging noises and acted interested.
From there, he got over his fear.
The only other times we saw that kind of behavior in him while in China
was once in a grocery cart at the store, and once on the plane from Guangzhou
when we insisted his seatbelt say fastened.
But more on that in the second post.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
If I had come in
expecting him to warm up to me in any way, we would have had a big
problem. He didn’t want me and he was
petrified. Imagine, everything you have
and everything you know ripped away from you in an instant. You have no control and no say. You’re handed to a total stranger who keeps
blurting things out in what sounds like a made up language. For him, this was the second time, since he’d
been abandoned older and has strong memories of that event. This was torture to him, not the building of
a family. He had lost everything, while
we had gained a child. We had loved him
and prayed for him and sacrificed all that we had to see him come home before
he died. To him, we were strangers, once
again stealing all the comforts his small life offered him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Your child does
not love you, nor are they ever obligated to love you. This is a one sided contract. You signed up for this. They did not.
Let me say that again. THEY DON’T
LOVE YOU. They don’t know you. They probably don’t even like you. They’re scared and they’re resentful. You are a villain of their piece at the moment, because they have no long term perspective. You love your child in a certain way. The way parents gestating love their
babies. But they don’t care about you at
all. Orphanage life encourages survival
of the fittest. They are in survival
mode. More on that in a minute. Let me repeat that, too. <b>You
are a villain to them</b>. You’ve stolen
whatever life they’ve made for themselves in the aesthetic vacuum of orphanage
living. They are terrified of you. Even if they don’t seem to care one way or
the other, they do. They are just as
traumatized. That’s just a different
survival mode. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Please do not go in
with even a single expectation of how meeting your child will go because YOU
WILL BE DISAPPOINTED. This is not about
you. Not about your vision of a moment
locked in time. This is about a
terrified child who is losing everything, even if they act like they are
not. Everything that follows while you
are still in China are the actions of a person on the battlefield. Fight or Flight has kicked in and you are the
enemy on the Western front. Please
remember they are experiencing one more <b>massive</b>
trauma in a short life defined by trauma.
This is the second worse thing that has ever happened to them, next to
being abandoned. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Please imagine how
you would behave if a stranger stole into your house and then your family
offered you over and let them take you away, away to another country where you
didn’t speak the language, then they had bizarre expectations that you show
them affection, and they couldn’t give you anything you wanted, anything that
gave you comfort, because they didn’t even know what those things were. You would be awful, and I would be too. That is what your child is experiencing. This is a <i>bad</i>
experience for them. Beyond anything
most of us will ever have to go through, thank the Lord.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Mike’s gotcha
experience was better. Jake had been waiting. He was well prepared by his orphanage. He and Mike met in the Civil Affairs
office. They were happy to meet one
another. Other families around them
cried when they met because both of them were smiling ear to ear. There were jokes and hugs. It was the ‘picture perfect’ older child
gotcha day. They even had a decent time
while they waited out the two days (our adoption was expedited for Finn’s poor
condition and prognosis) in province before they would join us in
Guangzhou. They swam a lot. Watched a lot of videos. Jake enjoyed taking pictures and making Vlog
style videos of the trip. They had a
couple of small power struggles, but overall, it was a good experience for both
of them. This is important to remember
for later, when I talk in the next post about life after you get home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
When they joined
us in Guangzhou, we were three days into the adoption process in country, and a
whole new stage of nightmare was about to begin. Once again, let me remind you that your child
is a lot of things during this period of time.
Terrified, angry, freaked out, fighting or hiding, talking back or not
talking at all. The one thing they
aren’t is THEMSELVES. At this point,
your child is a panicked stranger. And I
hope you know yourself well enough to know that you are <i>not</i> yourself, and you’re not your best, when the pressure is
on. Don’t fool yourself into thinking
you would handle their situation better than they are, because you
wouldn’t. This is a kind of death for
them. <b>Let them fear and grieve</b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Some kids fear, grieve,
and fret by fighting, some by flighting.
Everybody knows there are three reactions to stress and trauma, fight,
flight, or freeze. For the sake of this
narrative, we’ll just boil it down to fight or flight. FIGHT kids may not actually fight, so much as
they move all the time, they seem hyperactive, twitchy or maybe even violent. Everything is funny or everything is
awful. They might act out negatively, or
they may just act out. They may act like
they’ve been mainlining crack for days. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
FLIGHT children
probably won’t actually run. They leave
that to their spastic fight counterparts.
Their flight will be will be emotional.
They will shut down, turn off, disappear from the trauma. These are the kids who may be almost catatonic,
who may be silent and brooding, who may stare into space for hours and fail to
respond to any stimuli. They are the
babies that refuse to sit up. The ones
who lie in their borrowed cribs like they are unconscious or they have the
muscle tone of an infant. You may try to
sit them up, but they will flop over like rag dolls. These are the kids who refuse to eat and
drink, who stare blankly when you offer a toy.
You may even think these children are profoundly delayed physically or
mentally. YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING
THIS. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This catatonic
child is <b>not</b> your child. This is panic in another form. You have to get them home, you have to make
them feel safe, before you will ever know.
As their new parent, it’s not their job to adjust, it’s <b>your</b> job to make them feel safe. Your job to help them adjust. Your job to make the terror go away. You can’t expect to do that while you are in
China. Everything that happens there is
survival. You can’t judge your child
from the way they act in China, and you have no right to, unless you don’t mind
everyone judging you by the worst, most traumatic moments in your life. Again, let me say something one more time. DO NOT JUDGE YOUR CHILDREN. This is no place for that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Leaving them
behind because they don’t handle trauma the way you think they should is like
staring at a newborn and deciding to leave it at the hospital because its head
looks way weirder than you expected. Or
it cries way too much. You can’t know
what your child is actually like while you’re still in China. You just can’t. It isn’t possible. Because that child you got from that civil
affairs office is <b>not</b> your
child. It’s a terrified changeling in
the place of your real child. Your real
child will return when they feel safe. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Our boys happened
to both be FIGHT. And it began
immediately once they were together.
Finn was already pretty twitchy before Jake arrived, but together, they
were insane. This is not a joke. I’ve alluded to it before, but I’ve never
told the entire story. We, literally,
could not take them anywhere. They ran
from us at every possible opportunity.
Into roads, into traffic, away into random hallways. Once they got into the elevator at the
Garden, after running from us, and they pressed every one of the 30 or 40 floors. It took us forever to find them. These, once again, are not toddlers. This is a 12 and 6 year old. We couldn’t stick them into a stroller to
keep them by our sides. <o:p></o:p></div>
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They would run
away at the Garden and run screaming up and down the wooden spiral
staircase. No matter how much we ran, I
couldn’t catch up. Mike could,
sometimes, but he couldn’t contain them both.
It was mortifying, the way they acted.
They would pick up things at stores and randomly throw them. They touched everything. And I do mean everything. Even other people without permission. They pressed every button they could find,
they would dig into strangers’ pockets or desks. If there was a computer, phone, camera etc.
they would try to take it, and if they couldn’t they would slam the lid of
laptops, or press every button they could reach before they were stopped. Even our guide could get pretty much nowhere
with them even in their mother tongue. <o:p></o:p></div>
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They wouldn’t sit
still in eating situations. They threw
food. They’d refuse to eat. Or they’d eat everything on the table, even
off other people’s plates. They’d run to
other people’s tables and while we were running after them, they’d carry
something off the person’s table, knock something off as they passed, or just grab some of their food and run. They yelled all the time, about
everything. They, both of them, threw
many fits every day. Screaming, kicking, hysterical fits. Even in public. The reasons were varied, because, of course,
those reasons were not the real reasons, the trauma was. Once Finn screamed for nearly an hour in Aeon as we struggled to get groceries, because we wouldn't buy him a bra.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We went on one
trip to tour a burial mound, our only tour on the whole adoption trip. While we were there, Jake, the twelve year
old, laid down on the floor, face down, right in front of the door. He refused to move. He wasn’t crying or throwing a fit. He just refused to move. He was blocking the crowd. He wouldn’t even move for our guide. We had to drag him out of the way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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They particularly
enjoyed waiting until it was late in the hotel and then turning on every TV in
the room as loud as they could go. The more people they woke up or upset, the better. If a
room we were in didn’t have a screen, they would throw things out of the
window. When we were trying to do our
medicals to leave the country, the doctor was trying to talk to us, and they
were busily throwing his stuff out the third floor window. They would press every button on the in room safe so we couldn't open it for an hour or more. We couldn't watch them both if one of us was working on something adoption related. It wasn't unusual for them to pull tricks like turning on all the water in the sink or tub and stopping it up right as we were leaving the room so when we returned the room was flooded. Mike went to shop without us, hoping it would go better than our trips together. I went to the bathroom, no more than three minutes, and when I returned, Jake had locked Finn outside of the hotel room door. Finn was screaming on the other end and Jake was laughing his head off. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Finn would talk to
anyone, and I do mean anyone. He’d touch
their face, ask intrusive questions, and steal things from them. He laughed constantly for no reason. Loud, hysterical laughter. Strangers would stop and angrily tell them to
listen to their mother and father. Some
people who spoke English as well as their native Chinese suggested that we
needed to beat them. Any adoption
related event was a nightmare as well.
They’d grab papers off the officials’ desks. They’d tear papers we were trying to
sign. They were malicious. To us and to each other. Gleeful breaking other people’s things when
they didn’t get their way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We had to start
using punishments (especially taking away TV or the swimming pool) just to keep
them even remotely in line. And it was <i>very </i>remote. I don’t mind
telling you it was a total nightmare. We
were like zombies when that two weeks was up.
We couldn’t wait to get back to our kids who actually listened to a word
we said. We were used up, exhausted,
emotionally and physically drained. I've never been kicked or bitten, run so much, or dodged so many hurled objects in my entire life. We
believed, before we left, that no matter how they acted, they would be better
when they felt safer. We <b><i>believed</i></b>
it before we left, truly believed it, so we believed it when we were in country
too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For yourself, and
for your child, make yourself understand that you don’t walk away from a
terrorized person, no matter how bad they are.
Because you have no way of knowing who they really are underneath that
terror. Not until they can feel safe
again. I will talk about the first few
months in my next post, but it was true.
Once we were on American soil, they were immediately better. Were they perfect? Not even close. It took several months for them to turn into the
kids they are today, but they were much better.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Almost every
single one of their behaviors in China were suddenly gone. There was no more running, there was no more
throwing food, there was no more laying on the floor in public places. They were kids again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There’s one reason
to tell you this story, and one reason alone.
<i>Your child is not your child while
you are in country</i>. I can’t say this
enough. This is a horrible experience
for them. One of the worst in their
lives. If it’s a horrible experience for
you as well, this SHOULD NOT be a surprise.
They fight or they lay down and act like they want to die. And they do that because they are going
through things we can’t even imagine. Adoption
is not like childbirth, so much as it’s like an arranged marriage. So try to imagine you were shoved into an
arranged marriage, in another country, with a person you’ve never met. Maybe you’ll love them someday, but right now
you don’t. And this experience
HURTS. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<b><i>They
are hurt!<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
And maybe you will
be too, but that’s part of the territory when it comes to bringing a
traumatized child into your life. If you
are not ready to bring home your child, NO MATTER WHAT, <b>than maybe you are not ready to adopt</b>. Think hard before you take that step
forward. You are an adult. You are the person in control of this
situation. Please consider the feelings
of your child. The one who has a barely
developed brain, the one who is still growing, whose brain is still adjusting
to help them deal with trauma and pain.
The one who has limited executive function, because THEY ARE A CHILD. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Children get
scared, just like we do. They get
stressed, and they get depressed. We
should not expect children to do better than we would in the same
situation. If you are not convinced this
is your child NO MATTER WHAT, then do yourself, and them, a favor, and think
harder before committing. If you are
convinced that you are in it with all that you are, no matter what, then
continue on and go get your baby!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I can’t say it
enough. The child you are meeting is <b><i>not
your child</i></b>! That child comes
later, when you have succeeded in making them feel safe. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Thank you for
reading, and thinking hard <b><i>before</i></b> you’re faced with something
you didn’t expect, so that when the time comes, you act with love and
compassion, not surprise and panic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Amber<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
P.S. Check back
tomorrow for the second part of this narrative, my message to adoptive parents
newly home from their country. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-76027575971359440492015-09-15T19:29:00.000-07:002015-09-15T19:29:50.645-07:00One Year Ya'llIt's hard to believe, but it's been one year since we picked the boys up in their separate province in China. I have a photo progression of each boy. You might notice we have more photos in these progressions of Finn. There's two reason for this. One, we just have more pictures of Finn than Jake. His orphanage is home of a lovely American woman who is kind enough to send many pictures of waiting children to their parents. We have very few pictures of Jake before we picked him up. The second reason is that Jake remains largely the same, still as cute as ever. Finn has gone through many significant physical changes since we brought him home. It's really stunning enough that I want to document it. As far as I'm aware, I've listed these photographs in chronological order since the day we picked them up. <br />
<br />
One year of Jake<br />
<br />
These are the only few photos we have of Jake from a short time before he was adopted. We do have some young pictures of him from when he was in foster care with Love Without Boundaries, but they are too young to represent the last year or shortly before. Though I did include one that was done by the group on a Throw Back Thursday.<br />
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Here's the referral picture we saw on a blog. This is the first photograph of Jake we ever saw. It was part of a blog post written by the young man above in the gray shirt. </div>
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Here he is, in chronological order, for the last year!</div>
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One Year of Finn<br />
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Finn has many pictures from the orphanage. I'd like to share them because he was a sick, sick boy when he came home. And seeing them shows so much more the impact of the way he looks now. <br />
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Here's what we would refer to as his referral picture. This is the first picture we saw of him on a Facebook group for waiting Chinese children, along with a note saying he was actively dying and the orphanage believed his time was running out. <br />
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They were right. Here's a chronological journey of Finn, from a sick little boy, to a transfusion dependent kid whose life is mostly normal!<br />
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These kids are making a family every day!<br />
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So happy One Year Family Day, to two of my favorite gifts!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-21727199671119504462015-05-22T12:29:00.000-07:002015-05-22T12:29:13.230-07:00The QuestionsOkay, I've been meaning to type up a post with questions I've been
getting asked about our new adoption and the answers, so here it is.<br />
<br />
1. ARE YOU JUST GOING TO KEEP ADOPTING FOREVER? ~~ I can't tell you
how many people have asked us this. It's actually kind of funny to me,
as we're a very small family by most adoptive family standards. But the
answer is no. We don't intend to adopt again after this. We always
planned to complete two adoptions, with however many child<span class="text_exposed_show">ren
that might mean. So this is not a surprise. We feel that God is
already telling us we're being called to a different mission after this
adoption. We don't know what it is yet, but I'm sure it will become
clear when the time comes. Of course, I know better than to put a
period where God might have intended a comma, but we don't anticipate
another adoption in the future.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
2. DO YOU NEED TO FUNDRAISE THIS TIME, AND HOW CAN WE HELP? ~~ We are
lucky enough not to need as much money this time, and our circumstances
are different. We didn't have to start by fundraising from the
beginning and our new daughter came with a fairly large grant. That
being said, we do need to fundraise again. Just not as much. If you
would like to help, prayers are always appreciated and we also have
another YouCaring page set up. You can find it here. <a href="http://www.youcaring.com/the-anderson-family-358277" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://www.youcaring.com/the-anderson-family-358277</a> We really appreciate any help or prayers others can offer.<br />
<br />
3. WILL YOU ADOPT 2 AGAIN? ~~ I'm also surprised how much we've been
asked this question. The answer is, we don't know. Currently, we are
only adopting one. We are HS approved for 2, so it isn't impossible,
but we currently have not submitted LOI for another child.<br />
<br />
4.
TELL US ABOUT THE BABY! ~~ She turned two in November, near to Gillian's
birthday. By the time we pick her up, she will be three. She lives
somewhere in Inner Mongolia. I won't share where because that would be
too much information, but I'm really interested in learning more about
Inner Mongolia, and even just Mongolia. She has the same special need
as Jake, Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy and brain differences, but her case
is classified as mild, whereas Jake's needs are moderate. Her weak side
is her right and Jake's is his left. But it will be good to already
know what we're getting into. We will probably name her Elizabeth Jane.
Jane is after my great-great grandmother, Jane Fenix, who was the
daughter of an Irish immigrant who came to America as an indentured
servant and a Blackfoot indian trail guide. How did they meet? No one
knows. But she defied so many expectations to forge her way to the life
she wanted. Elizabeth is in honor of Elizabeth DeHority,
whose was so pivotal in our journey to bring the boys home. Both women
are examples of strength and courage, something I'd love to pass down
to each of my children, not just the newest Anderson!<br />
<br />
Amber </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-46652423473548085092015-05-20T11:23:00.000-07:002015-05-20T11:34:53.088-07:00Seven Months!It's been seven months! The boys are doing really well. I'll give a brief run down on both, if you're interested.<br />
<br />
Emotional:<br />
<br />
Finn's PTSD is improving. When he first got home, if someone touched him in his sleep he would scream. Now I can pick him up and move him while he's asleep and he doesn't even wake up! He has severe nightmares almost every night, and night terrors as well, but while he's awake he seems to be doing much better.<br />
<br />
Jake is still working on emotional regulation, but we don't see nearly as many hysterical meltdowns as we did when he first got home. He's learning that we try to be fair and he doesn't always have to fight. This means a lot to him and he's relaxing. He's a good kid most of the time, and tries hard to help. Sadly, he's a big of a dyed in the wool misogynist, which is likely the product of years being raised in China. He's pretty open about his disdain for girls, and we're hoping that goes away before he's old enough to date lol. Americans just aren't as accepting of that in a person as the Chinese are. <br />
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Medical:<br />
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Finn is doing so much better, it's almost inconceivable that he's the same kid. His spleen has shrunk to the point that it is almost nearing the normal range. We aren't yet to the point that we can move transfusions to three weeks apart like most thalassemia children, but we're getting there hopefully. Last month, he had 16 teeth removed, all baby teeth, that were rotted to the core. We had hoped that would give him more sustainable hemoglobin levels, as he was riddled with infection, but so far, we aren't seeing that yet. His iron levels in his liver are very, very high. Honestly, they are at twice the level where doctors worry about permanent cirrhosis, and the meds we are using aren't doing the job as well as one might hope. We can't raise his medication dose, because his kidneys are feeling the burden. We're trying to get him on a second medication for iron chelation, as well as staying on the first medication, but the insurance company is making it very hard to get approval. Overall, Finn's condition is so much better than it was, but it's still a long road to get him healthy.<br />
<br />
Jake's condition has honestly been a non-entity in our lives. I know it effects his self confidence, but the effect on the way he lives in negligible. We couldn't get in here in New Mexico, so we drove up to Colorado Children's in Denver, where the neuro team was able to easily conclude that he doesn't have hydrocephalus, nor has he ever had it. So he was shunted for no reason. While this is technically good news, as he can't suffer the side effects of something like shunt failure, it's a problem to decide how to handle all the pointless hardware in his head. Hardware can get infected and it's dangerous, but brain surgery when the situation is not emergent is also dangerous. That's one we haven't decided yet. We were told he was paralyzed on the left side. That's turned out not to be true, as well. He has hemiplegia cerebral palsy, which means his left side is weak, but not paralyzed. He probably could have had normal function with proper physical therapy. We're hoping therapy now will help to at least improve muscle tone in his left arm so he can use it to stabilize things in his other hand, hold open a door, etc. Of course, he'll never have complete function with his left side, but we hope he can use it for a few things.<br />
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The Family:<br />
<br />
We're all doing very well. For a few months, I wasn't writing, but I am back to work, and those awaiting names in books to give to friends and family, please continue to have patience. They're coming. Mike's job is always the same, but he did just reach a new pay grade and with two new children, of course that's much appreciated. Seth is about to start high school in the fall. Evie and Jake both graduated from 5th grade the other day, so that means middle school for them. I prefer to homeschool through middle school and I really wanted to help Jake become a better reader before letting him continue on with public school. He desperately wants to go to school with his friends, and leaving he and Evie in a position to compete with each other probably isn't the best idea. So he will be going to school per his request (every single day pretty much) and Evie will be homeschooled. Finn graduated from kindergarten last week. He actually has ten adult teeth, so in all likelihood, he's much older than 6, but we have no intention of aging him up. He's very small and emotionally fragile, so we want him just where he is. He'll be going on to first grade next year, and baby Gillian will be starting kindergarten. Where does the time go? Cue weeping mommy here. We weren't planning to move forward with another adoption quite so quickly, but we found our daughter, so we are. Sometime in early 2016, we expect to travel for our new daughter, who will be 3 by then, and whom we will probably name Elizabeth. <br />
<br />
The Future:<br />
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We hope to spend some time meeting with Jake's friends from his orphanage during the summer. It means a lot to him to remain in contact with his China "family" and we love to encourage that. We thought we would be spending the summer in Texas, but that is not currently the plan. Finn was approved for Make A Wish, and he wants to go to China again, but I'm not sure if that's a possibility. We'll see what they say!<br />
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Thanks for dropping by and checking in!<br />
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Amber Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-38899798359061729712015-01-28T16:44:00.001-08:002015-01-28T16:44:38.073-08:00FOUR Months!Where does the time go? The boys have been home for FOUR MONTHS yesterday! I post a lot on Facebook, but I don't blog nearly as much. There's a couple of reasons for this. My computer isn't great and blogging on my phone is a pain in the butt. So, that's just laziness. Number two, so many things about these boys seems to be private to their life and their stories and I'm never sure what I should be sharing and what I should keep in the family, because their journey is theirs, even when people want to share it. The quandary of how much to share usually just stops me from sharing anything!<br />
<br />Jake is a good kid who generally wants to do the right thing. Emotional regulation isn't the easiest for him, and he has some not great habits when he gets upset. We're working on those. He's growing A LOT in terms of bonding. He was not particularly open to affection in the beginning, but he's really opening up to us, finally. He's got a quirky personality, loves friends and sports, but does NOT love school lol, and enjoys seeing his grandparents. Jake's favorite things are talking to his orphanage friends who have already been adopted, watching Power Rangers, and taking selfies. This kid is the selfie king! If I set the phone down, I'll come back to a dozen crazy pictures of Jake! Here's some of his favorite faces!<br />
<img alt="" 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" 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" 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vFudwIwOvbnFcL8UPEPh2y059P1SWKSdlLLBvCvj8f5VvRrTrfumrkSUaF6qZ8p6hfvsIH4e9cyWup5S5kVeTxmt7XF0++luJtGug4B+a1k4kj/x/DNcmfNDnzfkGe9buk6bsyFiOd6GtbIUKsHJOc/LXV6VcpcbIVO6QnGPeuGgniXncx9wa7j4dS2kF+Lm6IKRDKgnktXMoKpKzNp1uVXR9M/C3RDpXhwNIMPNz+A6A12JyD90H8a5zwt9r1vw6lzaOh8nh4hwcYyMVMTe5/8Ar12VK1OD9n2PJVKdR81j9FfEV35sr4PSuC1h9yGul1i5yW561xutT4U4NfRUo2tY+XnJuRyepIDnmuT1GP5zXS30wJYVzd/ksfT1qsRtqelQbZg38eWzXhfx4+Jd74QktLLTLjyJpcs8qHJx7Z6V77BYyapqMFpApaWZ1RB6knAr55/a58CWtl8YdRtri4e10rTYIYsj/WXEnlqzBfrnrXm0KEas3c7Ktf2cUluzzrSfjj4pkuEhicajIeQjxbifwH+FenaD8WbtdMln1qxSznUfJHG2WY/7vUV4DF8Sx4ZS4s9H0u1sInIDS8vM493P8hge1c/qHji5ur37eWDyldrBvu4+lTXwcL6IdPFzS3PVPih+0TqmnQCHS50gnfqUHKj8a+atf8U3uuX8l9dztJcyffYseas+J9bfXL1p5MB8Y+U1zdwu0+tTSpKkrIzq1ZVHe41r6VLkSo7LIOhB5FWR4puJE2zBZD6nisyX5jkcVXKZOelOUVIhTlE6CDXUaT5yVHtXXeH9Ui3x4lG1TnJPNeYKDnnP51cgn8rozKPQGuZ0dbo6Y4hrRn1P4J+PMegvLYwMzGXCKw6DAr0SPx/qNyiymQZYZ6CvjLQLyKK5WV3IUHIUHnNenW3xAtY4I1aCYkDBPm1z1qEZvma1KhXna0HY/ZvVrr5zzXHavdBs4JNamraiMHBGc9jXI6pf9cNX1lONlc+Vg25XZnXkv3jWJeTgsR0Bq5c3OcgmsiVzNMFXqcCuWu+c9Wk+VXJfD/iaDwPrMOvXaq9vYbpdrtwzbcKBx6nNfE3x/wDibc/EDxrqmqtiM3Fw8hAJOM54Ge3OPwr1X41/EiK7uZNIsZQbW2BDFTw8nrXy1r90ZLl2LE812UKcaUOVHHOo6tTmMHU7gzHkYNZLTttZc8E1duptytjrWJJKBMRmsKljdNlO8Uq7EcelUZJTnAOKv3T7iR+VZcylGYnvXnyXY6FdEbOHJ5x74qM4HegMRketNyKgpO45MMfxq5FCrIAxwTVJCV/nT2uMt1qdxlhmW3+4cn171Zj1FggHzfpWS8nPJpysCAcfpS0Yan7ZWXi1tbieXbhAcZHGfeqd3eht2WrHjnht4FS2CiIDK4qtc3ee/X3r3qrtoeJT1RPcXY2k5rhPib41Twd4bkkjZBfXitHFzyFP3jXRXN/DErSzSCKKMFnYnoo718ofFjx7L4u8QT3G4C3QmOFM8BRWNKHPLmZtVqu3IjkNa1c3NxK5Y5Y//rrhNXnLliDnmtTUr0jODya5m8ujIDlu9dU7RVkZ0o2M25m2k44rGnmP2gVcvJT/AHqxrucCQc/jXnVGdsRZpCSeelV5X3qOeajaTexGcCozJ83XP4VyN2OhMY5Ksc8Uirx60rYf603fjIHWsykKZMAmoNw3deafK2FGeKrbhknvUrQokd8tzzUwYAYx/wCPVW3ZPHNS7h6r+VJabk37H63WuvnULVX2CJMcBaSW9JIwenvXCaPrZtYnaeTao4AxWrDr1vO21JQx9Aa9ms3OR5MI8qsZnxg15tK8HSRI+2S6fYfUr3r5T1S9Lbuc59a9r+NniEXd1FaRtuigTB5/iPU18/atcYJAOOc11QSimYJ80jK1K5xLtzzWFcSgkjvVjUJS0m4c1lzTHcQeDXLOZ2xVildNkknoKxbuQtJ6e1aWoTlOR1rCllLS8muOUrnSkSlj61GZNretRl/Q5qCSXnGcVzvU0RY84M2aVX5z1NVlIOeaV32jINSUOuJywqISHPrTHbPfNM3AHOaQ0WC+OlN3H/ZqFznO3ij8DU3Ha5+lGtaPdNZSmOVVihGSx6sa5nwsZ7nWA3mFYI13uSeBitTWbiYwNF5z7D2zWNcSNp3haWSA7XnkKOfUCvYc06l7HkSg7XucX481JLi+uGDZJY4NeUalcfOwJz710WtXcs88u9s4JrjtSc8HNW5uKsZQWtzMvM9Qcjrisa6ZhzyCOtaVwSVfnoKzZHLE579a5pM70jMuy0gPPSsc/ePetu5Gd1YRO55M1zPY2QjAjvzVdmJPPNTT8JnvVYE7c1g3rY1SJEIzjPBpC3GCaaeHYdhQUGM96AGng4oI4zt/WmyjDVIigtigtIaRhSemaMv/ALH5GnD5mINRmT2/U1mVY//Z" 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" /><br />
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Jake's specialists have been hard to pin down and we're hoping to have more info on the nature of his brain injuries in March when we have an appointment at the Denver Children's Hospital, since getting into Nuero-sciences in New Mexico has proved to be pretty much impossible. It's about a five hour drive, but it's worth it as UNMCH hasn't even processed his referral yet. The earliest they could see him if they processed his referral this minute is late summer. We're excited to see what information this helps provide for us.<br />
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Finn is doing very well medically. He came to us in pretty rough shape, but he's bouncing back. He's got a pretty rigid medical process to accommodate his potentially very dangerous special need. We like to nip possible issues in the bud by offering treatment before they become an issue! <br />
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This regimen includes blood transfusions every two weeks at this time. In the future, the hope is that we will be able to drop back to every three weeks, or even once a month!<br />
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Here he is at his last transfusion getting a visit from daddy over lunch! Finn came to us with some major medical PTSD, but he's slowly learning that China and America are not equal when it comes to medical care. He also takes medication to remove the iron from his blood and organs, called chelation meds. He takes these every night to prevent the very serious side effects that iron build up can cause. The majority of children in China die from iron, so this is very important. <br />
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He likes to take his Exjade, the chelation meds, in pink cups. He loves everything pink! If his HgB is allowed to drop too low, he really doesn't feel well. <br />
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But we can still get a smile out of him most times. <br />
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The boys are bonding pretty well to each other and with the other kids. <br />
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Just one of the girls?</div>
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Pretend ice cream is best in winter.</div>
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Scooters rock!</div>
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Super kids!</div>
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In case you're curious, Finn is eating a tomato straight in this super picture of he and Jake. Because that's how super heroes roll. </div>
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They are adorable and we just love having them here! We can't thank the people who participated in our fundraisers and helped us to bring them home by donating or helping to spread the word. They are loved!</div>
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Amber</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-87364900206741732952014-11-24T12:38:00.000-08:002014-11-24T12:38:07.603-08:00We're Still HereSorry we've been MIA. Those who are friends on Facebook will have been kept abreast, but I know there are people who read here who are not on FB or not my friends. We're almost two months home now and we're all settling in. I will try to do another post with lots of pictures later today. For now, information!<br />
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Overall, the only real issue has been Finn's health. Of course, we knew it was precarious when we adopted him, but we didn't quite realize how truly close he was to death. We thought that he'd need to be admitted to the hospital the moment we stepped off the plane. We were surprised to discover when we picked him up that he seemed much healthier than we'd been led to expect because the orphanage made it clear he was dying very quickly. We were able to bring him home and spend two weeks bonding before his first appointment with the hematologist. Towards the end of those two weeks we began to notice changes in his health and behavior, but we believed those were due to his need for a transfusion. We were really glad to have that time when blood tests were done and it became clear all was not right inside, even if he seemed okay on the outside. <br />
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All children with transfusion dependent Thalassemia have very high ferritin (or iron) levels when they are not being properly treated. A normal person has a ferritin level of somewhere between 47 and 300. Children with Thalassemia frequently come home with ferritin levels in the thousands. Chelation medications can be used to draw iron stores from the body, but children in other countries are often not properly chelated, which was the case with Finn. His ferritin levels were astronomical. Some children come home from the orphanages and their levels show that they were still thriving even with ferritin levels of 10,000 or above. This was not the case with Finn. His organs were suffering severely and were on the brink of a massive shut down from his levels of iron. He spent nearly two weeks in the hospital receiving heavy doses of IV chelation meds. When we left the hospital his ferritin levels were still around 6000 but that was a big drop from where he'd been before. At current, his ferritin levels are in the 4000s. We take this as a great sign that his oral chelation meds are working. He's been hospitalized a second time in the two months we've been home, but we are really hoping that inpatient care is behind us for awhile. <br />
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Emotionally, Finn is doing very well. He does suffer from severe medical PTSD from his hospital experiences in China, but I think that can hardly be a surprise considering. Some days are better and we can get tests done, some days he's just hysterical the entire time and we can't even get close to getting things done. At home, he's a smiley, happy, clever, bit overemotional, boy who clearly has experienced severe trauma in his short life. We have a lot of emotional work ahead of us, but we can see a healthy Finn at the end who is slowly working through baggage that most of us would never survive, let alone at six years old. He's a very, very, very smart boy who continues to surprise us every day. His English is coming along nicely. Now that the IV line that was installed in his arm and went straight to his heart has been removed (and replaced with a surgically implanted port under his skin) he's able to attend school with the rest of his siblings and is thoroughly enjoying kindergarten. <br />
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Jake is less interested in learning English, and that makes sense to me. He's older and his cultural identity is a large part of his overall identity. I know that he struggles with not belonging in our world and that grieves me, but we do have many Chinese speaking friends and we take him often to local businesses owned by Chinese families to give him a chance to interact. We hope that in a few more months he'll be a little more willing to try out the English language. He's doing well in school and emotionally he's doing well at home. Of course, he does have his moments as all 11 year olds do, but overall he's a very good kid who takes pleasure in doing the right thing. He loves having grandparents and seems very pleased whenever he has the opportunity to spend time with any of this three local grandparents. <br />
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Jake was evaluated last week by the school with a Mandarin speaking interpreter, which we really appreciated. We have friends whose school districts will deny their requests both for testing and for people to help them accomplish testing in their own language. Our school came to us on the first day and told us that because he does have brain difference they wanted to test him for placement immediately and make sure he got any services he might be in need of. It did take some time to get it all lined up, but they accomplished it last week. We haven't received the results yet, but we're fine whether he needs a little extra help or not. We did learn that he has great vision in his right eye, but his left eye does have some blindness. That's not a total shock as the left side of his body does suffer from some paralysis. So there will be some trendy glasses in Jake's future! I don't think he's currently mature enough for a contact lens, but that's no doubt an option in the future. Jake loves Saracha and puts it on everything, and I do mean everything. Yesterday, he ate it on oranges, and the other day he treated himself to a peanut butter and Saracha sandwich :\ <br />
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Overall, the boys are doing great and when we're not spending 24/7 at the hospital, we are all settling in quite well. I will not vouch for the state of my house when those hospital stays come along, though...<br />
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Amber<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-71099502520397827642014-10-07T22:20:00.002-07:002014-10-07T22:39:06.842-07:00ONE WEEKSaturday marked one week home, and we decided to celebrate by going to the zoo. To be honest, I wish I had more time to blog but I'm just extremely tired. The boys are like babies, that are really big and much better at grabbing things they shouldn't have. In the first couple of days they were home, Finn stuck a fork in the toaster, got a hold of a butcher knife he shouldn't have been able to reach and went gleefully running through the house with it, and found a handful of matches. This last one is particularly perplexing to us, as we don't keep matches and haven't for almost 14 years. So apparently Finn is so determined to remove himself from the gene pool that he's now pulling dangerous things from the ether lol.<br />
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The boys are fitting in pretty darn well. I wouldn't call it a honeymoon, because they aren't shy about letting us know they aren't pleased, challenging our authority, or just plain being bratty, but they are also funny and charming and pretty naturally Andersons.<br />
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Having five kids isn't exponentially harder than having three. The only very significant difference is how long it takes to get everyone in the car and out of the house. Seth has been late to school every day for the last week! <br />
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Saturday morning we packed everyone up and headed to the zoo to celebrate one week home. We went with some family friends of ours and we got this group picture on a convenient bench. The two girls in the pink belong to the Garcia family and are just adorable! The rest are members of the Anderson clan! On the bench, in order, Finn, Seth, Evie, and Jake, and Gillian is crouched on the ground. I won't mention the names of the two girls, because I didn't ask their family for permission. <br />
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It was super hot at the zoo even though it's cold a lot already, so kids immediately started getting lazy. A wagon was definitely in order!<br />
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Finn and Gillian are sitting pretty in the zoo wagon, but the Garcias had a wagon too, and the littles weren't the only ones getting lazy!<br />
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Jake also enjoyed a little wagon down time. Yes, his nails are painted red, and so are Finn's. They saw me doing Evie and Gillian's nails and they definitely wanted to be a part of that lol. <br />
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We decided to take the time to watch the polar bears getting fed, which meant standing in front of the polar bear enclosure for nearly half an hour watching for the zoo keeper and his buckets of fish. Here's how the kids felt about that. <br />
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Yes, they were less than impressed. And yes, that's our nearly 14 year old being bored in a tiny wagon. By the time the polar bears actually got fed, the kids seriously couldn't have cared less. Here's the face most of them made.<br />
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When we finally left to get some ice cream, here's the face most of them made...<br />
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All in all, the most popular thing at the zoo was the wagons!!<br />
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<complete id="goog_1816917384">~~Amber</complete>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-80912935959057161822014-09-25T04:13:00.002-07:002014-09-25T04:13:52.645-07:00When In Rome...Uh...ChinaI feel like in a lot of ways, I haven't had an organic China experience. I flew into Guangzhou and have stayed here the entire trip (except for a short visit to Shenzhen, more on that later) and to be honest Guangzhou isn't exactly "China". It's very metropolitan, very cosmopolitan, and, honestly, relatively European. Almost everyone I've spoken to, even on the streets, speaks at least basic English. Lots of them are very fluent. The area we're in is full of restaurants, stores and night clubs. There's many, many Europeans on the streets here and it's clearly a popular tourist destination for the entire world. I've eaten Chinese food off and on, but we've mostly eaten versions of popular restaurants the world over. KFC and McDonald's are popular. Also frequently seen is Pizza Hut and Subway. Of course, there's a Starbucks in every neighborhood. What I have to say I didn't really expect is the overwhelming popularity of 7-11. In America, 7-11 is definitely out of style and I'd say their numbers are really dwindling. But there's one on every corner here in Guangzhou, and that's literally not a joke. If you are on a side street, you'll see a 7-11, go around the corner to the major road, and find another one waiting. <br />
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Here's our view from our hotel window. <br />
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Pretty much sans the Chinese characters, we could easily be in a nice hotel in Manhattan. Mike had a more "China" experience in Zhengzhou where he picked up Jake. Many less English speakers, lots of scooters driving on the sidewalks and some seriously crazy traffic (not that the traffic isn't also crazy here.) Actually, speaking of 7-11, right there in the bottom corner, where the light is always shining there's a 7-11. If we go out the door and turn left, there's another 7-11 about one block over. <br />
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It is SOOOOOO hot here. Coming from New Mexico, we just aren't used to the humidity. It's like 900% humidity every moment of the day. When I first got here it was still in the mid-90s every day but now it's into the low 90s and sometimes even into the 80s. Our guide says it never gets very cold here. I guess winter is setting in for them lol. It isn't just me either. People who know me know that I've been inclined towards feeling like just existing is too hot since the moment I was born. But the other adoptive parents feel the same. Jake and Finn are runners, so we spent our first couple of tours dripping in sweat and chasing down these crazy boys. At that point, we decided touring wasn't worth it lol. We started just staying at the hotel during arranged tours after that. We have had dinner with a couple of other adoptive families, and we've been up to Shamian Island three times. We might go a fourth time, depending on our schedule tomorrow. <br />
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There's a family there who runs a shop called Susan's. It's a really great place, full of just about everything you might want to buy in China. But the best thing about Susan's is the husband and wife who run it. They speak English very well and they are experts in local history and Chinese history in general. They explained so many things to us. We even recorded him showing us how to properly make tea. They really wanted us to come for tea, which of course we didn't know how to avoid without being rude. We said we had to hurry and catch the bus, which was true, but we also didn't want to be rude and refuse the tea, which we'd have to do, since LDS people don't drink tea or coffee. But the next time we went in, to pick up some name posters we ordered, he really wanted us to have tea with them and he was freaking out excited. It was clearly really important to them, so we sat at the tea table and just kind of looked at each other while he poured the tea into incredibly tiny glasses. Like midget shot glasses. Finally, I just didn't know how to avoid being potentially rude, so I just said, "Do you have any herbal tea instead?" It was super funny, he looked at both of us and said, "You don't drink tea? Are you Mormon?" LOL. We said yes, and he pulled out the herbal tea and poured us some of that instead. <br />
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He's asked us to come for tea again tomorrow before we leave the country, so we're going to call him and see what time they close and we might do that again. He gave us his email and has asked us to send them periodic emails. We do plan to return to China, whether we choose to adopt again or not. It's our hope to be able to return to China at least every two years, every summer if finances permit. So making a few friends is fun since we'll be able to see them again. <br />
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Jake gets sick and throws up every time we get in the car. Part of this is because he'd never been in a vehicle before, part of it can definitely be attributed to the insane way people here drive. There's definitely no turn signals, no car lengths apart, and no safe changing of lanes. I wish I could explain the way driving is typically done here. Three and four cars will try to enter the same lane at the same time and just hope for the best. It's crazy. Also, the cars don't seem to have shocks. It's a bouncing adventure every time we drive. <br />
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I could write for days about China, but it's bedtime now. I think I'll try to do more posts about China when we get home, since the internet is very spotty here and blogging is hard.<br />
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Amber<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-73112501681013262962014-09-19T19:03:00.000-07:002014-09-19T19:03:55.618-07:00We're Not Dead Yay!Sorry for my total absence of posting. The VPN wouldn't work on my Kindle. I tried downloading it over and over but it didn't want to work. So the only VPN we have is on Mike's laptop. But Mike was in Henan while I was in Guangdong. Now we're finally back together, but the internet is spotty at best, so my updates might be a little sparse. <br />
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Mike and I both picked up our assigned child on the 15th. Jake, as might be expected considering his older age, came easy. He and Mike were a little bit cautious with each other, as one would expect, but they bonded over swimming, which they did every second of every day until they came up to Guangdong on a VERY long train ride. We only go once a day up here. It's way too hot to go outside very often. More on that later. He came with a lot of super cute baby and little Jake pictures, which he likes to show very often. The orphanage was super good about making sure he came with a past to remember, which we really love and appreciate! <br />
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Gotcha with Finn was a little bit traumatic. He was very excited. Before the appointment, I went to the store and our guide, Judy, called the orphanage and asked what his favorite snacks were at my request. He said over the phone that he was so excited he couldn't think about what he wanted lol. However, when the reality came he was less excited. He wouldn't look at me at all when they brought him out. He was trying really hard to pretend we weren't there. When I said hello to him he burst into tears. I got pretty upset at that point and I think the nannies thought I was sad because he wasn't happy to see me, but that's not it at all. I did try to explain that wasn't why I was tearing up. Genuinely scared or hurting children make me very sad. I cry when kids are undergoing painful medical procedures too. I was just really sad that he was scared and hurting. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me for about three hours after we got back to the hotel, but he came around pretty quickly. He did routinely refuse to hold my hand for another day or two and he always wanted to sit next to Judy. But it's all going good now.<br />
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When we finally reconnected Finn was very tired and already in bed and he was NOT excited at the presence of Jake and Baba. He kept shaking his head and saying no. Then he shined a light in Mike's eyes and Mike pretended to scream and cover his eyes before falling on the floor and theatrically dying. That was all it took for Finn. He was won over. Now he's a hard core baba's boy. He wants Mike to carry him all the time and wants to snuggle with him. Jake is interested in me, but since we can't really communicate very well, we're still not sure what to make of each other. His body language cues aren't great, so I have a much harder time understanding what he wants. Mike speaks some Mandarin and Jake speaks a very small amount of English, so they are working it out better than Jake and I do.<br />
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Jake is pretty much exactly as we expected. He's 11 and that should be enough to explain it for most people who've ever had an 11 year old lol. He is by turns excited by childish things and petulantly being dragged on family outings. He rotates between enjoying his new taste of freedom and being annoyed at us because we make him do things like eat or take a shower instead of playing on the Kindle or watching TV. Basically, as aforementioned, he's 11. He acts just like our bio kids did at 11, but he's under a bit more stress. He is quite annoyed that we aren't all able to communicate. He speaks very well and he speaks a lot, and he's not happy that we aren't able to understand what he's saying. I get frustrated in the store because I can't get any of my questions answered, so I can't imagine how he feels with parents who can't completely meet his needs because we just don't understand what they are. His special need is pretty much exactly as expected. Except since he stopped receiving physical therapy from Love Without Boundaries a few years ago it seems he's gotten a little lax. He's realized that he doesn't have to use his left hand in most cases, and he's gotten lazy about working it out since he can do almost everything one handed. He's a smart, smart boy. We were a little worried he might be slower to learn English as foreign languages are much harder the older you are, but communicating is so important to him, I think he'll come around pretty fast.<br />
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Finn is pure energy. 100% on all the time. He's always running, always yelling, always jumping, always moving. He's adorable. Everyone loves him immediately. I don't know what he's saying to people but evidently it's funny, because they always laugh, and the ones who also speak a bit of English almost inevitably tell me that he's funny. He is certainly mischievous. He is a straight up practical joker and a great lover of getting into trouble. He dropped 400 Chinese Yuan in the toilet yesterday laughing the whole time. He also likes to throw away important documents, hide the hotel room key, and run away as fast as he can when we are out in public. In our family we call this 'a runner' and we had another one in our daughter Gillian, so we used a monkey backpack with a tail that served as a leash. We wish we had it here! Finn's condition is certainly serious. The doctors here say they've never seen a worse case of Beta Thalassemia Major. However, he's better off than we expected. We thought he would need to be immediately hospitalized but we no longer believe that's true.<br />
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I will post about China in general later on today. Right now we're headed off to do a little sightseeing with another American mom staying here in our hotel. She is also adopting an older child with Thalassemia. <br />
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AmberAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-54808372470963385982014-09-09T09:19:00.000-07:002014-09-09T09:19:10.070-07:00Stop! Tally Time! Oh ohohoh ohohohoh!I leave on Thursday night. Ohmyheck! Craziness! Mike leaves on Friday afternoon. We will both be picking up our assigned boy on early Monday morning, which will be Sunday night for most people in America. Crazy that it's so soon! It's still very surreal to me. I don't know when it will sink in. Maybe the day after we get home? ;) We are starting today needing $4054 to be fully funded. That may sound like a lot, but we are were at $5700 give or take at the beginning of yesterday! God is working to help us bring these boys home right now! We could not be more grateful to all who are sharing, praying, and donating! <br />
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AmberAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-48089540036669318322014-09-08T07:56:00.000-07:002014-09-08T07:56:22.794-07:00Tally HoI thought it would be fun to do a tally when I wrote that the other day. Turns out it's not so fun when the total doesn't change. We are at $5704 needed to be fully funded. Our fundraisers and donations have totalled less than $70 in three days. Obviously, this is freaking us out since we have no other sources of money. At this point it's a good time for a miracle. Please pray for us, share our fundraisers, and donate if you feel so called. We are grateful for all the help people have given! Thank you!!!<br />
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AmberAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-47678329906194081042014-09-06T07:59:00.001-07:002014-09-06T07:59:18.897-07:00Daily TallyI think it might be fun to do a daily tally of where we are and where we need to be with our fundraising efforts. We are s<span class="userContent">tarting today with a new Fully Funded total
because of a PayPal donation. $21,591 is our new goal. Currently we need
$5,772 to reach our goal. I know we've already fundraised a lot. 15k
worth! But we're down to the wire. And we can't wait <span class="text_exposed_show">because
of this sweet face. I got this picture this morning. Yes, he's
adorable. Yes, he's smiling. But it doesn't take a lot to see how sick
he is. Please consider our fundraisers or share! You can follow along with our totals in the corner on the Reece's Rainbow bar. Thank you so much for
helping us go these last few miles!! And prayers are always much appreciated!</span></span><br />
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<span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show">Amber</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-739207383343843922014-09-05T11:54:00.001-07:002014-09-05T22:21:05.916-07:00Excitement and Stress!Okay guys, exciting stuff and stressful stuff! Exciting stuff! We leave next Friday!!!! One week!!! We got
our Chinese visas today. They look so cool! Maybe I'm just excited by
simple stuff, but I dig it. I have a lot of trouble conceptualizing
things before they happen and I always have. Until that baby comes out,
I have a lot of trouble believing it's real lol. So getting my visa
today was one of those moments. This is real! Stressful stuff... We
need to be at $21,741 to be fully funded. That means <span class="text_exposed_show">that
$6058 lies between us and complete funding. We can leave and hope for
the best in about another $3000. We need 41 more donations before we can
draw from tier one. Any donation of $15 or above will be entered into a
drawing for gorgeous quilts. You can see more info on our blog or make
your donations here <a href="http://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Freecesrainbow.org%2F70645%2Fsponsoranderson-2&h=eAQFEy3rc&enc=AZMwP4o5CjR7Jyg66C9-FDeroj1xn4H4MmQRCXjzMbo0cK1ZO87dVkTByCzVRBT2tblzGbAilDWrUYfnEV0OsC18qj57C5M2cCrwMjikir3NFWPXaTqKEOe4xLFEJgBtmRAcCyAZ-YUShWEOufs3m-6b&s=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://reecesrainbow.org/70645/sponsoranderson-2</a>
If you own a business, the fiscal year is almost over. Consider
making a tax deductible donation at this same address and have an
instant write off! </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Because tier 2 has had no entries, I am disbanding tier two and selling each blanket individually. Please consider a blanket for a loved one who just looks like they need some warming up, or please share!!</span><br />
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<b><span class="text_exposed_show"> Build a Bear Quilt $15</span></b></div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Do you have a daughter who loves to build herself some friends? I have two of them!! Check out this adorable toddler or crib sized blanket with licensed Build a Bear material. Friends Furever!! $15 plus $5 shipping.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLqiqPp_yebj_eKpiX-Fb0hyphenhyphen4PH9fSYdCQB180loXnb7kxyp6XwSuK5kTpK8qTSp-A4UJT6a1WCzlm_Tq1prfURsk2Ow-Hp4PR3nOJHrk-ey4JfJLRoWsGW5Yqir4ckurY73ziQOsMKyhP/s1600/build+a+bear+blanket.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLqiqPp_yebj_eKpiX-Fb0hyphenhyphen4PH9fSYdCQB180loXnb7kxyp6XwSuK5kTpK8qTSp-A4UJT6a1WCzlm_Tq1prfURsk2Ow-Hp4PR3nOJHrk-ey4JfJLRoWsGW5Yqir4ckurY73ziQOsMKyhP/s1600/build+a+bear+blanket.jpg" height="285" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span class="text_exposed_show">Baby Bundle!! $25</span></b><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Got a sweet little one, or one on the way? This is a great deal and so sweet and perfect!! Sweet yellow baby blanket, crib or toddler bed sized, with lovely flowers in each corner. The matching hat is made for a newborn, so it won't last forever, but this blanket will have years of use in it and become a sweet family heirloom! Small flannel car seat quilt. Perfect for tucking around your little ladybug on a cold morning in the car! Plus two bonus newborn sized hats, pink and green with an adorable flower. This is so cute and a great baby shower present value, too!! $25 plus $7 shipping. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Thanks everyone for helping us get this far and
helping us go the final miles to bring home our boys!!</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show">Amber </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-66253088263316275762014-08-28T09:33:00.002-07:002014-08-28T09:33:59.383-07:00Here We Come<br />
<ol>
<li>We will officially be traveling on Sept 12. We will be splitting up in country. Mike will be going after Jake and I will be going after Finn. We will meet after two days in province. We have money for tickets and probably most of hotels, but we are still short on travel funds. Please look at our current fundraisers or ask about our 3-D fiber lash mascara party. We need another 10k to be fully funded, but probably another 5k to be able to travel. Thanks!</li>
</ol>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-19530746991843803312014-08-25T12:02:00.001-07:002014-08-25T12:02:56.942-07:00<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">At
this point the Travel Approval has been issued, but we have not yet
received a hard copy. We in the adoption world like to call that 'soft'.
So now we have soft approval. In a normal world that would mean it
will be here in a day or two and then we will know when we will travel.
But since our LOA got lost in the mail and took almost a month to get
here, I am not holding my breath for prompt arrival lol. Still, this is
it, y'all.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">We have enough funds to buy tickets, not a dime for food, hotels and other in-country expenses. So while I am excited, I'm also a little bit nervous. I don't know what will happen with that, since we literally have no more sources of money. But we're trusting God and making our arrangements anyway! Eeeeep! Wish us luck and send us prayers for funds!</span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Amber</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-90237869338233359242014-08-13T11:36:00.004-07:002014-08-13T11:36:49.366-07:00Important to NoteIf you guys are donating to our FSP to participate in our quilt contest, please comment below or send me a message. I don't have any way of seeing who is donating. <br />
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Thanks!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-6729736373901512792014-08-12T15:13:00.001-07:002014-09-08T11:54:16.489-07:00Someday my Prince...TA...Will ComeSo...we are down to the wire! All we are waiting on is TA, travel approval, and we'll be off to get our boys. We've got a teensy little problem though. Actually, it's about eleven thousand problems. Our adoption itself is paid for, but our travel is not funded at all! We need around $5K to be fully funded food, in country transportation, all the random people we are apparently supposed to be tipping on our trip, and carrying cash in case there's an emergency.<br />
<br />
With that in mind, we have a new fundraiser we hope will be very successful. And, hey you all are probably excited to hear this, it will be one of our last fundraisers! (Mainly because we are running out of time, but hey, take the good news and run with it.)<br />
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We have already done a quilt contest as I'm sure some of you may remember. Whoever offered a donation of ten dollars or more had their names thrown in a hat for a quilt made by this lady. Remember her? She's a true artist in my opinion. Actually, literally. It isn't an opinion thing. She's an artist. She has a degree in art from Texas Tech. Mind...blown. Anyway, her quilts are amazing. <br />
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So, that being shown, here's what we're up to. Yeah, it's summer. I feel you. You think my Swinter (Wummer?) blanket contest is crazy! It's all good. Summer is almost over. And everyone loves a good blanket! And these are great blankets! Cue the applause and excitement!<br />
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<span style="color: red;">These blankets are high quality quilts made with care and excellent fabrics. These quilts cost approximately 100.00 to 150.00 dollars per quilt to make. Excellent handmade quilts usually retail in the two hundred dollars and up range. Every donation of $15 or more, will be dropped into our hat for one of the following quilts. Like our last contest, this will require 50 entries before we give away the quilts. If you make a donation of fifteen dollars or more to our FSP, found here </span><a href="http://reecesrainbow.org/70645/sponsoranderson-2">http://reecesrainbow.org/70645/sponsoranderson-2</a> <span style="color: red;">please let me know so I can put your names in the drawing. So why don't we get on to what I know you all want to see. </span></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">Items 1-3</span></span>. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">Three quilts made by Darlene C, the woman who made the amazing quilts above! The quilts will be 4 feet by 4 feet. Best suited for a twin bed or a lap quilt. Below are the quilts Darlene C. made for our last quilt contest. As you can see, they are amazing. Darlene is willing to make quilts to specifications ASSUMING that she has available fabric in the colors or styles you're wanting. She's pretty accommodating, though. </span></span></div>
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Once again, these are not the actual quilts you'll be getting. These are someone else's quilts. You'll be getting your own blankets made to your tastes. The blankets above are just more samples of Darlene's actual work. </div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Item 4</span></div>
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The Fall Quilt! I don't know what this is really called, but I like to call it the fall quilt. Or the man quilt sometimes haha. This is a twin/full sized quilt, made in gorgeous fall colors. Personally, I would use it for myself, but there is a certain masculine flavor to this one if you're looking for a male present. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJlOwCgszvzkbbo3-JwjzkX31YYUyyqUC4-FvdZYTCW7p2y0Jd5eDfovTg6TMp40A0FgjYVHDpcIFEL8BX_Eb5iRDkbYCC3XDXGjCTCaOkLaOiLt0pn1J5HOXcYxJlDv_gQft42NHT5bzi/s1600/falll+quilt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJlOwCgszvzkbbo3-JwjzkX31YYUyyqUC4-FvdZYTCW7p2y0Jd5eDfovTg6TMp40A0FgjYVHDpcIFEL8BX_Eb5iRDkbYCC3XDXGjCTCaOkLaOiLt0pn1J5HOXcYxJlDv_gQft42NHT5bzi/s1600/falll+quilt.jpg" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
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Love it. Fall colors are my favorite!! I can't wait for fall! Whoa. Now that my random excitement is over, let's move on. </div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">Item 5</span></span></div>
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A traditional quilt in your favored colors. I don't have any pictures, because it isn't made yet! We're making it for you, yo. Under the careful fingers of a bunch of church ladies, this quilt will be all covered in love. And excellent stitching work. And possibly a tiny bit of Jello. We are talking about a bunch of Mo ladies, here. But mostly, love. </div>
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Thanks for sharing!</div>
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AmberAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-42005681678828242432014-08-01T13:13:00.000-07:002014-08-01T13:13:29.149-07:00I Feel Pretty...<span class="userContent">Hey all! Time to get pretty! From today
until August 15, every purchase of Avon made through this link will mean
money for our adoption. <a href="http://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fadoption.avonrepresentative.com%2F&h=yAQHEdJFi&s=1" rel="nofollow nofollow" target="_blank">http://adoption.avonrepresentative.com/</a> Avon is awesome stuff and Natalie Keller is an awesome lady,<span class="text_exposed_show">
who is donating all of her commission, 20% of every order, to our
family until the middle of this month. Now is the time your tweens and
teens also need new lip gloss, lotions, and jewelry for back to school!
Thanks!!</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981518349192948629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5250862470730012153.post-90502285945663217452014-07-28T23:20:00.002-07:002014-07-28T23:20:22.788-07:00I Saw God TodayWhen I was in my early 20s one of my very best friends made some not so great choices. As a result she spent some intensive time in a process of repentance to return where she wanted to be in her life. Though her process was hard and fraught with negative moments, I have to admit that I was jealous of her journey. <br />
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No, I didn't want to spend months in agony, wishing I'd made different choices. No, I wasn't jealous of her hard times. But...I was jealous of the other side of her experience. I saw that her spirituality was growing in leaps and bounds. Because of her quest for forgiveness she had a knowledge of, and a relationship with, Christ that I could never truly understand. The kind of relationship that comes only through a special connection to the core of Christ's purpose, redemption. I could strive to understand it, but I would never understand it the way someone who hit their knees for months, begging for forgiveness, would. So, yes, I was a little jealous. <br />
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All these years later, I realize that growth comes slowly and my understanding of the Savior and his purpose has matured with me. But I still looked and I knew that I was missing an understanding of something greater than myself that only comes from being in the trenches, from hard spiritual warfare. <br />
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Recently, I've developed an obsession with 80s and 90s country. I listen to it every time I get in the car. The other day I was driving home and I heard the old George Straight song, "I Saw God Today." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q06AvQF5NOw" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q06AvQF5NOw </a><br />
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It's not really super deep, or anything. I've certainly heard more spiritual songs, even on popular radio. But it includes these lines as the chorus. "I've been to church, I've read the book, I know He's there, but I don't look, near as often as I should. His fingerprints are everywhere, I just look down and stop and stare, open my eye and then I swear, I Saw God Today."<br />
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I was tapping along with the beat and I thought to myself, "I don't know what this guy is talking about that he doesn't see God's hand in everything and that he really has to look." Then, I realized that this condition of seeing God's work in everything comes directly from our adoption experience. Most certainly, I saw God often before I was adopting. I've experienced many miracles in my life. <br />
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But being part of the adoption community has shown me dozens of miracles every day. Real, true miracles. Mountains that only the Lord could move crumble before families striving to bring their children home. Obstacles that seem impossible are overcome with small and large events in a never ending series that allows His will to happen. Even our own adoption bears the hand print of a loving Lord and Father dozens of times over. After months of seeing miracles happen day in and day out for so many children and so many families, any doubt that our Father in Heaven sees every one of us, cares for every one of us, knows the name of all of his children, has fallen away. He is the author of miracles, the Father of us all, even lowly orphans, even desperate parents who have no clue what they are doing and are rushing forward anyway, even those of us who don't think we deserve his love. He is watching. He loves us. If we let him, he will show us His hand.<br />
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When I had that thought, I remembered what I'd felt like nearly twenty years ago, when I was envious of my friend's precious understanding of a concept bigger than my brain. I thought, "everyone should experience adoption. Then they would know. They would understand the staggering amount of care each of us is given by a God who keeps us." Even though it was a concept I knew, it was not something weaved into every fiber of my being. Just how much we are watched over. Just how much He cares. I didn't understand because maybe I wasn't looking. This process, which is honestly hellish, is one of the best things that has ever happened to our family. This growth is not something we could have reached without stretching, without answering this call, without stepping outside of our comfort zones. It's very like the experience of my friend. We're in pain. Sometimes, we're in downright agony. We are dragging ourselves through hard times on our way to the finish line. (So we can get on to the next incredible challenge lol) Because of that agony, because of these hard times, we are experiencing what I wished for years ago. A deeper understanding. A softer neck, a bigger heart, a stronger ability to lean not unto my own understanding. <br />
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The truth is, there's a million paths to a closer understanding of God and of Jesus. There's one for all of us. It's a different for everyone. But, at this point, I'm pretty sure it's always agony. I'm pretty sure it's all growing pains, and bad moments, and times we question how much we really want whatever it is we're striving for. I'm thinking there's no way to grow without it hurting a little. <br />
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But, even when it hurts, I'm really so grateful to be on this journey. For me, this entire adoption has been a spiritual journey more than it will ever be a journey to China. I'm grateful that God has allowed us to be a part of a community where I see SO many miracles. If you could see the things I see every day. Permission given where none seemed possible. Papers processed where the government seemed to have dropped the ball. Money coming for people with nothing left in their pockets who are leaving to pick up kids in some war torn Eastern European country. Protection given where death seems imminent. Frankly, I'm hard pressed not to see God in everything anymore!<br />
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Am I encouraging everyone to adopt? Always! ;) But really, I'm just saying start looking and praying and it isn't hard at all to see holiness in the everyday. Just prepare for a few aches and pains along the way! <br />
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Amber <br />
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