Who's preapproved? This family, right here

We got out preapproval back from Daniel's country.  We're in like Flynn.  Assuming Flynn were fat and trying to adopt from a country that cares whether or not Flynn was fat.  Or something...  Now we move on to the fun stuff, like prepping our dossier and finishing our homestudy.  Our next big financial goal is raising to 1,950 dollars to pay for the rest of our homestudy (some has already been paid) and the fees for filing our dossier.  So on that note, we're having a tee-shirt fundraiser.  This is one of my favorite quotes of all time and probably the primary reason why we adopt, although in no way is this an adoption specific shirt.  "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men"~Frederick Douglass. 

https://www.booster.com/addingandersons

They are long sleeve, ultra warm, and come in both men and women sizes.  You have to click the link on the description page to find the men sizes.  Only $20 bucks to look awesome, feel warm, and help out a kid who needs a family.

Also, if you are remotely interested in just donating, you'll note we have two donation buttons on the side.  One comes right to us, the link on the bottom for youcaring.com.  We get all that money, straight away which is certainly helpful.  We can use it how we need to, for our dossier, agency fees or anything else adoption related.  The link on top is a family sponsorship profile on Reece's Rainbow.  We don't get that money until we get our LOA, or Letter of Approval, from Daniel's country.  This is our final approval.  Also, some of the money, about 10% is given to RR, which is a wonderful organization, to help adopt other children aside from Daniel.  The advantage to the top link, is that Reece's Rainbow is a tax deductible donation and you can claim it, if you donate that way. 

So anyway, on to the next section of our big adventure.  We have until mid-June to finish preparing our dossier.  But I have a feeling, from looking at the packet, that we will need all six months to do it!

A

An Orphan's Worldwide Family

Janna's family has an FSP!  Janna, as you may recall, is the little girl who started us on our journey.  As it happened, we were not able to adopt from Janna's country.  But this sweet family, who shares our religion, our sense of humor, and our love for Janna, has stepped in and is bringing her home. 

http://reecesrainbow.org/70139/sponsorgillette

These guys are awesome and this child is so special.  I know I've said it before, and no doubt I will say it again lol.  This girl is a chosen one, a blessed child.  And now she's literally been chosen.  I know everyone has a hard time financially around this time of year, but if your New Year's resolution is to help change the
 
world, consider donating to this amazing girl and this equally amazing family.  There she is!  In a way, I will always consider her my sweet girl.  But I believe this is the unique situation of many orphans.  They have many mothers, many fathers, many hearts who love them deeply, even when reality makes it impossible to parent them.  It can only be to their benefit to have some many who pray for them and long for their safety and happiness.  I don't mind sharing my boy Daniel with anyone who has ever prayed for him and loved him from afar and wondered why he had yet to be chosen.  I hope that no one minds it when they bring their orphans home to a new family to remember they have a worldwide family.  So if you can spare a few bucks, please consider being a part of this girl's worldwide family, so she can be part of the Gillette family. 

The most important letter I've ever sent

I stood in line at the post office for over an hour today.  It's an unfortunate month to be sending a package, but now was the time.  I had three large padded envelopes, and not one of them were presents.  But all of them needed to be sent today.  One was full of necklaces I had given away during a launch party for one of my books.  One was an ornament someone had ordered from one of our fundraisers.  And one was continually clutched to my chest like some random person was going to run by and steal it.  The man behind the counter asked me if it was worth anything.  Those were the words he used.  "Is it worth anything?  I mean, do you want it insured?"

I truly said, "Empirically, I suppose it's not worth anything.  There's nothing inside but papers.  But it's the most important letter I've ever sent."

Well, there was also a check for $2,500 inside, but I could have cancelled it, had it been lost.  But it really was the most important package ever in my possession.  In the future, I have no doubt there will be packages even more important than that, but this one was not just sending paper, it was sending the future of our family.

See, today I sent our preapproval packet for Daniel.  His country is somewhat (really, really, really) anal retentive about their process.  Bless them for caring, but they have an excessively difficult screening process that involves multiple instances of going through approvals.  The first is this one, preapproval.  For us, this is our first make or break moment.  They may tell us no to our very first request.  Especially since we need a BMI waiver.  You see, Daniel's country also has a list of requirements as long as your arm.  On average, it's about two thirds more than the length of qualification lists from other countries.  We don't meet one of them.  Typically they will waive for special needs children, depending on what kind of waiver you seek.  However, they can feel free to say no at any time.  And because of changes that his country has been going through of late, they may indeed do just that.

So cross your fingers for us as we freak out our way through the waiting process to see if we are preapproved!

A

Miracles Come in Small Packages

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that when I could talk about "Jane" and her future family, I would.  For those who are new, or don't remember, "Jane" is the child we hoped to adopt.  She's a tiny little girl with a congenital brain defect and a giant spirit.  This did not come to pass because of a medical complication that rendered us unable to qualify to adopt from Jane's country.  But I promised an update on her when I knew if she was going to be adopted by another family.  I will post more about this later, when this family has come forward and their FSP is ready for donations on Reece's Rainbow, but I am absolutely thrilled to share that "Jane" has a family.  I can talk about her now!  Her RR advocacy name is Janna, and this is her profile.  http://reecesrainbow.org/17738/janna309

Janna lives in an Eastern European country and is confined to a bed all the time because she can't walk.  It was the sincerest desire of my heart to adopt Janna.  I often cry when I talk about her still.  Not because I'm sad I can't adopt her (though I'm not thrilled about that aspect) but because I believe she's so special.  More than any of us know yet.  I am so excited to say that a family has committed to bring Janna home!

I spoke previously that another family wanted to bring Janna home if they were approved on their homestudy for two children.  They were.  But, other wheels were already in motion, and they generously stepped aside for another family, one who has been talking to me about Janna for months, since I first started this international adoption journey.  This sweet family wanted to make sure I was mom enough for the girl they loved :)  I think I passed muster for them, but I could feel in my heart that they still loved Janna and wanted to bring her home very much.  They had recently adopted from Russia, immediately before the ban, and felt they weren't yet prepared for another adoption.  Prayerfully, they stepped aside for another family, us, to put our papers in for Janna.  When that didn't happen, and the second family also began to falter on some issues, this family stepped back in and said, 'we are putting our fears aside and now we will go and do.'  I love them so much for moving on this right now.

When they have a page up for donations, I will be sharing Janna again, because she needs to come home so much.  I can't wait to see her after pictures!  I know they're going to be amazing.  This is the very best thing for her and I'm so thrilled to play even a small part of it.  

A

A Long Overdue Update

I haven't shared this yet because there's a lot of stuff that's been up in the air about it, but it's time to give an update anyway.  We have discovered that we can't adopt "Jane".  This isn't open for debate and nor was it our decision.  Jane's country has a list of qualifications.  All countries do.  Most countries are open to working with adoptive parents if they need a waiver on one qualification or another.  Jane's country does not waive.  They aren't interested in your reasons or your other abilities to parent one of their children.  Unfortunately, this way we don't qualify is something that will never change.  It's not a factor we can control.

When we first started this journey, our homestudy social worker informed us that this qualification, it involves a minor medical issue, could easily be waived.  Because of the nature of Jane's country, this turned out not to be true.  We tried to find a way around it, but all of the available options involved doing things that were not comfortable for us, like subterfuge or flat out lying.  In the end, all that we could do is admit defeat.  We will not be adopting Jane.

We've actually known this since perhaps three weeks after we started our homestudy.  But it's been a lengthy process trying to figure out what could be done.  Then I was waiting on another family who might want to adopt Jane themselves to receive notification of whether or not they will be allowed two children on their homestudy.  That has not yet come, and the time is here for us to share our change in plans.

Of course, the news Jane couldn't be a part of our family came very hard to us.  It was a devastating blow as we truly love her very much and wish she could be with someone's family this very moment.  It's difficult knowing that, at this moment, Jane has no committed family.  Once we can establish whether or not she will be going home with this other family, we will know whether or not we will need to advocate for Jane.  If that is true you will be hearing about her every single day for the rest of forever until someone gets desperate enough to shut me up that they commit to bring her home ;).  We will also be donating money to Jane's Reece's Rainbow grant as often as possible to help make it easier for her family to bring her home.

Since the first couple of weeks of this journey, we've known we can't adopt the child we fell in love with.  We've spent the last approximately two months looking for another child who invokes the same feeling in us that Jane did from the first moment.  Honestly, I began to despair that would happen.  I scrolled through probably literally hundreds, if not a thousand, children in every country with every special need, of both genders.  We could not find a child.  We began to consider that the first feeling was a fluke of some kind.  Maybe it was too much to expect to encounter that same love for a stranger again.  

Finally, just a couple of weeks ago, a truly wonderful young man, he is probably in his late teens or early twenties, communicated with me via Facebook.  He spends his time running a camp that helps Chinese orphans with special needs to experience a taste of the family life for a week or two.  Once the camp is over he returns home to his native Ireland to write advocacy posts for all of the children whom he or other counselors met during the course of the summer.  His sister works with him in this endeavor and is also a young adult.  I don’t know who their parents are but I am beyond impressed with them.  
 
In the course of my conversation with this young man, whom I hope to be able to talk about with more information about his organization, he asked what kind of child we were looking for.  I said I wasn’t sure but no older than my oldest who is 13.  And at least one of the two children had to be male.  We have no particular fear of almost all special needs, so that left him with a very open playing field.  We talked for a few minutes about our family.  About each child and Mike and I and all the things we value and love to do.  After this conversation, he produced the advocacy profile he had written for a 10-year-old boy we’ll call “Daniel” until further notice.  

One reading of Daniel’s advocacy post was all it took.  Just like Jane, I knew.  So I waited for Mike to come home so that he could immediately know too.  It was that easy. We began to research Daniel’s country and found that we don’t completely qualify there either.  Many parents don’t however, and they often waive most of their qualifications for parents adopting special needs children from the waiting child lists.  There is a chance we will be denied the ability to adopt Daniel as well, but we hope and pray and feel rather comfortable in saying that seems like it probably won’t happen.

We hope to adopt two children from this country, but at the moment we are concentrating on getting pre-approval from this country for Daniel.  To get all of that done, we will need around 4,000 dollars.  We feel like this isn’t too much to ask to get this show on the road, so we are doing everything we can to earn it or raise it.  We have started a shop of Christmas items, doll clothes, and other potential gifts, the link will be provided in the next post.  I am taking extra jobs to help facilitate these expenses.  

It’s possible that nothing will happen for several weeks, but we wanted to let you know where we are.  You might note that our previous fundraising link, “Jane’s Dough” has disappeared.  Have no fear if you have already donated.  We used your money, for which we can’t thank you enough, to pay agency fees up to this point.  Our new fundraiser, posted to the right, reflects our changes as we are no longer adopting Jane. 
Thanks so much for keeping up with our story and we hope to have more news for you soon!
A       

Waiting is Slow Work

Because we've been waiting for the American foster care system for years before starting our international journey, we know that 90% of the adoption path is waiting.  And waiting.  And then some more waiting.  So we're really used to that word here in our house.  We do have our first homestudy appointment tomorrow for our amended homestudy since the American one won't work for any foreign country. 

There have been some changes in the wind over here that I am not yet able to talk about with any level of certainty, but it looks like it's possible we may not be adopting 'Jane' as there's potential wonderful changes in her very near future.  We will keep you posted!  Either way, we will still be adopting.  So we'll keep you posted with any changes as soon as we know for sure!

We also have some big fundraisers coming soon and we'll be soliciting help from our friends and relatives to plan and execute some of these, as one of them will require contacts all over the country!  Additionally, this particular fundraiser in question will be a perfect opportunity for a Laurel looking for her projects in 'Good Works' or even 'Individual Worth' considering who these projects are for.  Also Scouts looking to get their Eagle Scout are good candidates.  Though we won't turn down adult help when the time comes ;).

That's just one project though.  Keep your eyes and ears peeled for the other stuff we have planned too.  We are still accepting donations for our yard sale, though it is going to be postponed, due to weather.  Anything big we will probably sell of Craigslist or Ebay and anything else we'll pack up for better weather.  But feel free to bring your stuff by since we will take it now anyway.

We'd also love any prayers, because this is a momentous mission, initiated by God, and prayers to do God's work are always appreciated.  We'd also love ideas for fund raisers because I'm not always the most original person on earth, so if you have any ideas, no matter how bizarre you think they are, send them my way.  Of course, we won't turn down monetary donations either and we love all of them and appreciate every person who gives. 

Thanks for joining us on this journey!

A

Our Story 'Til Now

Mike and Amber met in October of 1998 at the University of New Mexico Institute of Religion.  They were in the same choir class.  Amber was newly transferred from a smaller college in Oklahoma and Mike was recently returned from a two year religious mission.  They began dating in January of 1999 and were engaged by the end of the year.

They were married in April of 2000 in the Albuquerque Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Mike and Amber were immediately planning for a large family of a minimum of four children, but a preferred total of six or more.  They started trying to have a family the moment they were married and planned to have a child every two years.  Both agreed that they had a heart for adoption and when their many children were grown they would adopt from foster care and create a second round of their family.  

Shortly following their marriage, they became pregnant with their first child, S, who is now almost 13.

After a long struggle with hormone problem and miscarriages, they had their daughter E in very early 2004

At that point they were informed that another child would never happen.  Amber's pregnancies were difficult and dangerous, sustained only through medical intervention and resulting in life-threatening conditions for both mother and babies.  The medication needed to produce another pregnancy would not be offered by any doctors they approached.  They gave up on their dream of a large family, alternating between comfort from concepts like private school and expensive vacations possible with only two children, and the painful desire for more children.

In 2006 they decided to submit their papers to social services in hopes of adopting a child from foster care.  In the middle of the process, Mike was force-shaped from the military by changes in force size and job changes and moving followed soon after.  There was far too much change in their home to bring in a child who would desperately need consistency.  They withdrew their case.

In 2009, Amber became 'baby hungry' and they began attended classes and training to adopt privately from LDS social services in hopes of finding a baby to add to their family.  In the middle of this process, Mike felt strongly that the best course of action was to wait before committing.  Amber did NOT want to wait.  But in the end, she deferred and they waited.  Shortly thereafter, a miracle happened.  Amber discovered that, after nearly six years, she was pregnant.  Medical intervention was still needed to sustain pregnancy and Amber was no healthier during the process, resulting in a premature baby who spent 10 days in the NICU.  Now baby G is 3 years old and a bundle of crazy energy.

They have tons of fun as a family and love all of their time together.

Once G was a year old they decided it was time to start again and they went through the extensive process to become certified foster and adoptive parents for the state foster care system.  They asked for a small sibling group of two or three children to round out their family.  They were put on a waiting list and contacted only once in years with a folder of two children who were then somehow lost in the system and never followed up on by their social worker.  But they continued to wait.

Approximately a month ago, someone's random link on Facebook about a friend's adoption led Amber to Reece's Rainbow, an adoption advocacy group specializing in foreign adoptions of special needs children, most especially those with Down Syndrome.  Amber spent all day looking at the site and a little girl caught her attention.  She emailed the coordinator and received a lengthy answer about the requirements to adopt from this Eastern European country.  Amber read the email and thought, 'wow, that sounds like a lot of trouble' and she put the idea aside.  But she kept going back to Reece's Rainbow.  She read every profile there.  Then she read them again.  She began to research the conditions present in these orphanages and institutions.

Perhaps the second or third time through, Amber read the profile of an Eastern European Orphan, from the same country as the first she inquired after, with significant special needs.  This little girl's name is unknown to Amber and Mike, but the advocacy group calls her something very similar to "Jane" so they will call her 'Jane' here on this blog until they have permission to speak of the specific children they hope to adopt.

Jane's issues are not clear.  She does not walk, but she does have voluntary motion in all of her limbs.  She does not talk, but the reasons are not clear.  It's entirely possible that with American medical intervention, Jane might well be able to walk.  It's possible Jane doesn't speak because no one speaks to her.  Because Jane doesn't walk she spends her time in what is called the 'Laying Down' room, where children who can't move on their own power are consigned to spend their days in cribs being fed through modified bottles.

It should be noted that Jane is not a baby.  She's eight years old.  But she still spends her day staring at the four walls that constitute her world, between the bars of a baby crib.  She is not offered the opportunity to join her fellow orphans at the table.  She is fed in her crib.  Any second now, Jane will be transferred from the orphanage to an adult mental institution where she will spend the rest of her life bedridden.  She will never have any hope of escape unless, like nearly 80% of small children sent to adult institutions in this country, she dies within the first year.

All of these children in orphanages all over the world have tragic stories.  Jane's is no different.  But it was different for Amber.  In an instant she knew this was to be their child and that she was to join their family as soon as possible.  She shared Jane's profile with Mike, unable to stop the tears for her child, accidentally born in another country.

They made a decision to pursue Jane, despite the amount of work, and money, involved.  Originally, Mike and Amber hoped to find a sibling group, so their goal is to adopt a boy from this Eastern European country at the same time.  They haven't yet found their son, but they are looking.  

Amber and Mike already have a homestudy, but it isn't the right one for this particular country.  They will need a new homestudy as well as many thousands of dollars to pay the ransom for these sweet forgotten children and bring them home to be with their family.

Thank you so much for joining them in their journey to complete their family.  Together, you can help this family grow and save lives in the process.

A

Welcome!

Welcome to our family's journey to adopt two special needs children from destitute Eastern European orphanages.  Please feel free to join our family on this fantastic adventure!